They Walk Among Us!

Millionaire Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever

Idaho resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV show, 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.'

It seems that Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question, and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing 'the absolute worst use of lifelines ever.'
After being introduced to the show's host Meredith Vieira, Evans assured her that she was ready to play, whereupon she was posed with an extremely easy $100 question.

The question was: 'Which of the following is the largest?'
A) A Peanut B) An Elephant C) The Moon D) Hey, who you calling large?

Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she realized that this was a question to which she did not readily know the answer.

'Hmm, oh boy, that's a toughie,' said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief and disgust.

'I mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be.'
Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed,leaving her to decide which was bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans still remained unsure.

'Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!' exclaimed Evans. 'Darn. I think I better phone a friend.'
Using the second of her two lifelines on the first question, Mrs. Evans asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office assistant.
'Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm on TV!' said Evans, wasting the first seven seconds of her call.

'Ok, I got an important question. Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon.

15 seconds hun.'

Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds.
'Come on Betsy, are you sure?' said Evans. 'How sure are you? Duh, that can't be it.'
To everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend's advice and pick 'The Moon.

''I just don't know if I can trust Betsy. She's not all that bright. So I think I'd like to ask the audience,' said Evans.
Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favor of answer C, 'The Moon.'

Having used up all her lifelines, Evans then made the dumbest choice of her life.
'Wow, seems like everybody is against what I'm thinking,' said the too-stupid-to-live Evans. 'But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut. So, let's see. For which is larger, an elephant or the moon,

I'm going to have to go with B, an elephant. Final answer.'

Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with bated breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact, C, 'The Moon.'

Caution...they walk among us!

This one is actually better! (No comments needed!)

Caution... They Walk Among Us!

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Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal.

It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'
The next day someone stole it!

Yeah... They Walk Among Us!

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* One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted....

'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'

Caution... They Walk Among Us!

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff'

Hmmm... They Walk Among Us!

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My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.

They Walk Among Us!

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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt ifshe gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

Haan... They Walk Among Us!

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I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?' I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...

Ohh... They Walk Among Us!

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I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.

'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

Yep... They Walk Among Us!

Psst: Yes, this is copy pasted from an email :)

How a Snake can kill you without biting you....

Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.

Here's why.

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell,the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.She let out a very loud scream. The husband (who was taking a shower) ran naked into the living room to see what the problem was.

She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.

About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man.He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, she dangled her hand in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around.She screamed and fainted and the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp so that he needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so She assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey,and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now the police had arrived.

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it.He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the startled family dog who, jumped out and raced into the street where an oncoming car swerved to avoid the dog and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, the burning drapes were seen by the neighbors who called the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were halfway down the street.

The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area. (But they did get the house fire out).

Time passed and both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police were issued a new car, and all was right with their world.

Several days later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night. That's when he shot her.

Innovative Ideas for commiting suicide! (Reader discretion recommended)

Poor Bunny...Dont die bunny dont die!!

Split wide open!

Howzzat!!

End Game!

Time's up!!

Die of Laughter!

Dead with a Bang!

A well planned death!

PS: Finally crossed the 1000 mark on the webcounter...Yoohoooooo!!

Promises are meant to be broken...!!

Hilarious Mail from a frustrated victim of chain mails !!!!!!!

I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008 and continuing it in 2009 also.

Because of your kindness:
* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.
* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
* I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer...
* I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.
* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill with calls to Uganda, Pakistan, Singapore and Tokyo.

* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine.
* When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times.. (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)
* Still open to help somebody from Bulgaria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle's property of $ 100 million. So much trustworthy.
* Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh , Tirupathi Balaji pics etc. Now most of those 'Wishes' are already married (to someone else)

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you do not send this e-mail to at least 11,246 people in the next 10 seconds, a dog will bite you today at 6:30pm. Nothing has happened till now.....................but who knows. So please forward.

PS: The title refers to my previous post (Girls and Friendships) where I had promised that it would be the last email I posted.. looks like I broke that one :)

Girls and Friendships

Girls' relationship with guys is a bigger mystery than girls themselves. It's not just about boyfriends, we're talking about guy friends that gals have.

Do you have a gal who is just a friend?

Are you confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams loom closer?

Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn't fit to wear Jeetendra's white shoes?

Here's a ready reckoner for you:

Just a friend: Well, you are like a show piece in her house. She will call you whenever she needs you. If you call her home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, "Oh Abhi, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??"

Abhi: "Where are you going Shilpa??"

Shilpa: "None of your business" and bangs the phone.

(Useless fellow. Hmmph!).

Good Friend: You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that. But I try using you when I really need you.

Abhi calls: "Hi Shilpa",

Shilpa: "Hi Abhi. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye" (Shilpa calls back after two days)

Shilpa: "What do you want Abhi? Why did you call that day?".

Abhi: "Generally".

Shilpa: "Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye."

Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.

Very good friend: Well you are like the pressure cooker safety valve for the girl. She will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone. Basically, she wants to talk to you. And you are special to her.

Shilpa: "You know Abhi, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn't sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn't like me anymore. And yesterday I saw him with another girl" .

Abhi: "Who is Shekhar??"

Shilpa : "My boyfriend."

Abhi: Oh! ok. :-(

Best Friend: You are like the auto rickshaw driver. She can't live without you. And don't be mistaken. You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can do poo-poo. Abhi Shopping. Abhi Movie. Abhi Coffee. Abhi, you pay. I am having fun. Abhi is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.

Shilpa: "But I thought we were just friends. We should remain friends Abhi. Plus, I have a boy friend you know that."

Abhi: What?? (Abhi drinks all night).

Best of the Bestest Friends: Ok now you are really special. You are dad-cum-boyfriend-cum-brother-cum-everything. Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl. You take her around. You make her project. You do her assignments. You are allowed to take her doggie around. You can hold hands on the beach. You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything she drags you along). But but but... don't be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 3 time the salary you earn and has a flat in Poes Garden or Boat Club or Hiranandani area.

Shilpa: "Hi Abhi. I am getting engaged to Shekhar. Shekhar this is Abhi, he is my bestest friend".

Abhi: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Abhi's wrist).

Abhi is now heart broken and wrist broken.

Boyfriend: Uh... No comments dude. You're already screwed

PS: I am not even gonna pretend that I came up with something as awesome as this...just like last time...this is an email I received...it is soo awesome i cldnt resist sharing it..but I promise this is the last email I post!!

How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

Last week at work was madness with the auditors breathing down my neck...was soo caught up that I could not take time out to blog (There go all my claims of being gripped by Blogomania) But admist all the madness I saw this email which had me in splits (and also gave me an idea about a post..wrking on that one right now) and I kinda figured out that I could use this to end my post drought. Now I am new to blogging and in Sheldon's (from the Big bang theory) words "I dont know what the protocal is"...so if copy pasting an email is a complete No no..pls let me know and I will remove the post pronto!!

But till then ....How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity
1) At lunch time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “in.”
5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6) In the memo field of all your checks, write “for smuggling diamonds”
7) Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy.”
8) Don’t use any punctuation
9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10) Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11) Specify that your drive-through order is “To Go.”
12) Sing along at the opera.
13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme?
14) Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
16) Have your Co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I Won!, I Won!”
18) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives, they’re loose!!”
19) Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
20) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender.
21) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."
22) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
23) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this.
24) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.
25) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.
26) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
27) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
28) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
29) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
30) Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunch room. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity………….It’s called THERAPY!