Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Screeching Silences

I try to close my eyes but a sudden splot of red wakes me up with a jolt. Its been nearly a week now, they say.

But to me, time is standing still. There are a million things I want to say, there are a million things I want to hear, but all I can manage out of my throat is silence.

My friends, my colleagues keep visiting me. My mother keeps crying.

Somewhere, I can hear constant cries of 'Tai pani dya na,Tai pani dya na'. I try to blank out the source of this cry, the image of the woman who has been so brutally burnt, but I am unable to. Why cant someone just feed her some water, I want to cry out. But I cant. I cant seem to find my voice.

I hear footsteps. That must be the nurse. It is time for my sleeping pills.

"No, please no, I don't want to sleep" I want to scream. But all that escapes my throat is a gurgle.

I am running.

I have to get to the train.

There is no time left. I can see the train moving away. I run as fast as my tired legs carry me.

Manage to catch it in the nick of time.

I get into the relatively empty train. The last local out of Churchgate.

I stand at the footboard enjoying the breeze and see him. Tall and handsome, with his laptop bag..cooing sweet nothings on the phone. He finishes his conversation and looks up at me. I smile. He nods.

That is the only communication we have. Too sleepy to have a decent conversation.

The cool breeze threatens to put me to sleep. He seems to be dozing off too.

I decide to move away from the footboard and call out to him to move away.

And then it happens. He leans too far out. I move towards him to hold him from falling off.

A loud crunch and itz over.

His head hits the lamppost and splatters me with bits of his brain.

I scream.

And faint.

'Kya hua..kyun chilla raha hai...baaki patients so raha hai'...I hear a voice say.

My mom strokes my hair, tears spilling out of her eyes. She tries to say something but chokes. I want to wipe her tears. I want to tell her its going to be alright. But I cant feel my fingers. I cant find my hands.

'Tai pani dya na,Tai pani dya na' I hear a voice say as I drift into darkness again.

Psst: This post is dedicated to Mindey (As the Mind Meanders ) for pushing me to write a dark post.

For encouraging me and motivating me.

So if u hate this post, you know who to aim the brickbats at...but if you love it..please aim the wah wahs at me ;)

57 comments:

blunt edges said...

whoa whoaaaa whoaaaaaaaa...now that's an absolute detour from ur normal style of writing!

was waiting 4 ur post...bahut dino se haven't read anything whacky...n then u come up with something so dark! u sure u only wrote it or is it sid? :P

btw why didn't u name the story?

Ashley said...

'Tai pani dya na,Tai pani dya na'

These words are going to haunt me for some time now....
**The image of the woman who has been so brutally burnt**

Ah! Loved this! Loved this! :)

Hemanth Potluri said...

nicely penned yaar :)..just loved it...and u did a good job in the dark side...the force is strong with u :)...

urs..hemu..

Harini said...

wow! This is so different from your usual style, yet as always its absolutely brilliant :)

riddhi said...

ok first time i can't giv you giggles.. This is dark.. yes.. but very vivid.. u can't see in the dark... I could see it.
Good one.

soin said...

its not that dark..more like unfortunate..nice nonetheless..free

HaRy!! said...

Dark but more of a reckless incident.....gasp!! i cant imagine !!! God forbid something like this!

gayathri-vishwanathan said...

oh god...u have written this so well...not that it was entirely dark...but for beginners it was a very good attempt

P.S: I prefer ur whacky style of writing anyday!

Dhanya said...

I prefer your whacky style of writing anyday too! :(

Meow said...

first time....a different post.. brilliant post.. but so brutal.. the guy dying!!! ma.... i can't stand this... over dark post this is... darkest of dark da!!!

oRange* said...

for starts, its really good!
i liked it :)

Archana said...

Eeks, the dark side. :/ I have too much of a visual memory, I shouldn't be reading such things!! Though I do have to say, the reason I envisioned it all is because you wrote well.

PS - Please come back to the monkeys, the fun and the craziness. Heh, I can stomach those posts better. ;)<3

buckingfastard said...

whoo!! da splattering of brain was as sudden as that in da movie 'pulp fiction'...u will kno if u hav seen it!!

best part of da story was da cries of da burnt woman!!

i likes!!!

Shanu said...

@ Blunty

Hey Bluntu..kya timing hai yaar..i just posted it and tune padh bhi liya and comment bhi maar diya?

From the comment I gather u didnt really like the post...thnks for the honest feedback dost :)

I have a few wacky ideas up my sleeve but I am being pushed to write sumthin which isnt my normal style, by 2 of my well meaning frnds...abhi aur thode detours baaki hain...bas woh le loon toh ill b back on the wacky track.

Waise I hadnt named the stry wen i posted it..bcoz i cldnt think of a name...dekh abhi name kar diya..khush :)

Shanu said...

@ Ashley

Thanks for the compliments gal :)

The idea was to haunt..and if i have been able to do that then....YAY! More power to the hauntings!!

:P

Shanu said...

@ Hemanth

U did? Thank you :)

Yea, I have alwyz shared a fascination for the dark side..its time i crossed over now :)

Shanu said...

@ Harini

Thank you :)

Shanu said...

@ Riddhi

U do have an eye for detail dont u? Ritely caught sista..infact i wanted to change Giggles to Comments but it was too much hard work.

Come to think of it..the Giggles does look kinda silly on a dark post!But yet again..laziness wins hands down :)

Shanu said...

@ Soin

I still have to find the line between dark and unfortunate then..but thanks for being candid :)

Shanu said...

@ Hary

Stuff like this happens in Mumbai all the time...just wanted to get into the head of sum1 who witnessed sumthin like this!

And I agree..God Forbid sumthin like this.

Shanu said...

@ G3

Thanks sweetie :)

And abt the wacky writing...I dont think I will ever be able to write nethin wacky agn..I have been sucked into the dark side forever and u kno who to blame for it :P

Shanu said...

@ Dhanya

:( Me too :(

Shanu said...

@ Meow

Aww sweetie..fiction tha re babe :)

Shanu said...

@ Orange

Thanks :)

Shanu said...

@ Archana

i will be back wit the monkeys and the craziness and the fun soon..I PROMISE

It feels nice to be missed :)

As the Mind Meanders said...

I am so proud of you girl... and thank god you took the plunge...

The post was not very dark... not by my standards :D

But it troubles you... and hits you hard...

You shined through girl... and how...

Look forward to more...

Keep expanding your horizons and challenging yourself... keep writing...

versatility... you are now officially fullon bakwas...

Shanu said...

@ Mindey

:)

perplexed said...

wow.. one hardly expects somethign like this on your blog.. but very well written!!

blunt edges said...

nahi yaar...i liked it...n nice title...screeching silences...an oxymoron i guess!

n it feels great 2 be the 1st 2 comment! m back on track :D:D:D

n i agree with riddhi on the giggles part...n i also agree with u on the laziness part ;)

blunt edges said...

n btw is it 'whacky' ya 'wacky'???

Shanu said...

@ perplexed

Thanks :)

Shanu said...

@ Blunty

Yup u are back :)

***Checks google to see if its whacky or wacky....checks comments to see if she has misspelt the word..relived to see she hasnt..smug smile*****

Its wacky :)

riddhi said...

hehe yeah too much hard hardwork i agree.. and afterall we are sadistic enough to laugh on comments.. at the end with shanu and blunty around how can riddhi not giggle and come up with the characteristic long comments... hehehhehahhahha :P

I am sure i will be soon kicked out of most of the blogs for writing comments longer than the posts.. but anyhow freedom of expression.. I read it again shanu.. @Mind is right it is not verrrry dark.. but i will still stick to vivid. The use of regional language was smart. it gives it the sense of belonging . the helplessness in the dream like state.. beautiful.. commendable.

For blunt whacky or wacky mean the same at the end bhavnaao ko samjho... and when it comes to girls blunt u won't mind.. willl u? like we are talking about more than one bhavna after all ;P
sad i knw .. mafi..

Shanu said...

@ Riddhi

Aww i love looong comments and ones filled wit nonsense are the ones i completely adore...so dont u worry..u and ur long comments are welcome on fullon bakwass as long as u promise to write a lot of nonsense :)

gkam said...

Whoa... least expected a dark post from u shanu!

Brave beginning indeed! Liked it; especially the splattering brain bit... *shudders*

..and the title, very apt.

Do continue to surprise every now and then :)

Peter Ferrao said...

A little Gross. The brain splattering part. But very well written. Thank You for visiting my blog.

blunt edges said...

@ riddhi
ahhh...give my regards 2 bhavna :D

@ shanu
ohhh its wacky ha? ***notes it down in imaginary diary*** :)

BrownPhantom said...

Versatile is the word for you :).
And this one is whacky too, in its own way.
Especially loved the title, more so, after reading the story :).

The Aspirant said...

m choked and numb after reading this.....

its really.......ummm.......sumthin.......forget it

jst a gr8 post, can't say more abt it, feeling shortage of words..

Spike said...

i didnt know you did "on demand" posts too ... will let u know what i want u to write....

bondgal_rulz said...

For a moment there I wondrered if I was on the wrong blog. :P

Whoa babes!!! You've shown how versatile you can be.

Written in a very captivating manner.

Keep writing!

Cheers

Shanu said...

@gkam

Thanks mate :) Glad u liked it :)

Shanu said...

@Peter

Thanks. You write pretty well urself :)

Shanu said...

@ Blunty

Please use ur imaginary diary to come up with a bloggin idea too..nahi toh!!

Shanu said...

@ Brown Phantom

Aww thank u :) Feels gr8 coming from sum1 who is a gr8 writer himself :)

Shanu said...

@ Aspirant

Thanks Buddy :)

Shanu said...

@ Spike

Nopes dont do on demand posts.

Mindey didnt demand a dark post..he helped me realize that i too cld write a dark post..samjha?

Shanu said...

@bondgal

Thanks babe :)

VJ Sophie said...

Brilliant!

Adarsh Munjal said...

This is certainly my favourite. To know why: www.zappjack.blogspot.com

No, I ain't trying to market my blog.

Visit, to know why.

Bye.

Shanu said...

@ Sophie

Thanks :)

iceprincess said...

:(
sad ..but super...
but plz plz...dont give up humour....

i was dreading to read that it is a real life story....
damn.....

Shanu said...

@ Iceprincess

Nahi re..cant for the life of me give up humour..bakwaas karna is my habit..comes naturally to me :P

Naah not based on a real life stry..!

Tarun Mitra said...

I love Ducks...they and their eggs taste great :P

ani_aset said...

wow yaar sahi post :)...liked the way you narrated it..good good

Shanu said...

@ Tarun

LOL @ the completely random comment :)

Shanu said...

@Ani_aset

Thanks :)