Monday, May 31, 2010

Love in the times of the Internet....................

I spent my days in junior college, waiting for his glimpse. He was the college stud with his SRK hairstyle and lean mean physique. I joined the events committee for my college fest just so that I could be around him. My first and only words to him in those 2 years were "I think that umbrella is broken", the response to which was just a stare and a careless nod. I gave up my internship with Citibank to join him at McKinsey (but couldn't join that either coz my parents refused to let me go to Gurgaon). I was truly, madly, deeply smitten by him for 3 long years.

Thanks to Facebook, I now know that he is balding and has a pot belly.

I have pakkaued everyone on Fullon Bakwaas talking about him. I have given him weird nicknames and have blushed every time some one took his name. I have behaved @ work like a teenager with a crush. I have gone blank during presentations whenever he has walked into the room and have taken on projects just to be around him. On my first concall, unnerved by his presence, I have blurted out the same sentence multiple times, before he played the knight in a sparkling new suit and pressed the mute button (phone ka). I have whistled at him when I saw him at the mall (completely co-incidental) and have gone blank when he asked me what my plans for new year's were. I have saved the one official email where he wrote Dear Shanu, instead of the customary Hi Shanu. I was truly, madly, deeply smitten by him for 12 whole months.

Thanks to Facebook, I now know that he is married and his wife is expecting their first baby in December.

I first saw him singing at Not Just Jazz by the Bay. His silky voice levitated me to a completely different world. He was my type..tall, dark and handsome. With the face of an angel and a beautiful sexy voice, he was every girl's dream come true. I met him again at my friend's daughter's christening (six degrees of separation, anyone?) and boy, was he a delight to talk to. We danced the waltz and the jive, and I was truly, madly, deeply smitten by him. For 2 whole weeks.

Thanks to Facebook, I now know that he is gay.

We have been in a committed blogger relationship for close to 6 months. He has professed his undying love for me a zillion times in the comments section of Fullon. He writes poems for me, he helps me fix my blog templates. He is my ultimate Mako man.

Thanks to Facebook, I now know that he proclaims himself to be single. And flirts with PYTs.

Facebook has been responsible for single handedly ruining my crush life. I now Google/Facebook all my crushes before I get smitten. I have been crushless (No, its not a word, I just made that one up) for the last 1 month.

Thank you Facebook, I owe you one. (Not)

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Ahh..such a bitch..

Life is such a bitch isnt it? But I aint talking about life here....for a change ;)

Have you ever come across guys who will hit on you even when you are looking like crap? I mean, come on guys..these are days when I cant stand to look at myself in the mirror and you choose this day to marofy "Will you friendship with me " wala dialogue!!
Not that, choosing any other day is gonna improve their chances anyway ;o)

Have you come across people who are so full of themselves that they think every one around them should dance to their tunes? People who think they can walk all over you only because you value the relationship and wont ask them to shut up? People who brand anyone who cannot jhelofy their nakhras as snobs when they themselves are intolerable? People who stop talking to you the day you decide to show them what air-headed morons they are??

Have you come across people you regretted being friends with? Do you regret sharing your deepest, darkest secrets with them? Does that make you feel vulnerable now? And yet, you would never take them back if even if they begged you?

Have you ever noticed that your hair and skin look fab when you are doing nothing and sitting at home? That the hair cut which looked so fab when the stylist cut it yesterday.. doesn't really look all that great today? And yet, you go back religiously every 3 months, hoping that this time you might end up looking like Priyanka Chopra?

Have you ever been compared to someone who looks breathtakingly gorgeous? Have you felt embarrassed by the comparison? Have you then had someone say, "Naah, I think (your name) looks way better"? Has that made you jump up and down with joy dil me while you maintain a straight face and say "Chal haan, kuch bhi kya"?

Have you ever bought something for a friend? And then realized that itz so awesome that you wanna keep it for yourself? Have you then hastily bought something else and packed it off ? ;)

Have you ever bought something from a restaurant and passed it off as your own cooking?

Have you ever wanted to nap in the middle of the day and regretted all those bachpan ke days when you refused to sleep? Do you wanna go back in time and nap all you can?

Have you ever written a blog post and then realized that it wont make any sense to anyone? That the title looks out of place? Have you still gone ahead and posted it because some how it makes perfect sense to you?

P.S: Been super busy @ work. But that hasn't stopped me from reading your blogs, commenting on them and following the ones that I loved.

P.P.S: I am enabling comment moderation. Have had some really weird people commenting on my posts lately ;)

Sunday, May 16, 2010

One year later....

My bloggie turned 1 a few days ago..and I completely forgot to wish it! I was never this forgetful..guess age is finally catching up ;)

This last year has been full of learnings..I have realised that blogsville is really a chotu version of the big bad world we live in...I have met many bloggers, shared laughs with some and befriended a few..just like we meet many people in the big bad world, connect to some and befriend a few.

Blogging gave me an outlet to vent out my craziness, it gave me online friends (something I had never done before), it made me realise that not everyone we meet online is a stalker..there are cute, adorable people out there made me realise that harmless flirting is fun..and that these conversation make for great laughs when you have nothing better to do...

It made me realise I could stick to something without getting gave me something to look forward to every morning..checking comments every hour became an obsession :)

It gave me a peek into the lives of showed me people who were not afraid to talk about their life, their insecurities, their fears....people who shared their happiness with me and as they did their deepest darkest secrets.

It taught me that most bloggers who hide behind the cloak of anonymity are pretty chilled out..they are fun and they are smart..but like everything else in life..there are exceptions here too....its all about holding on to the good experiences and letting the bad ones go...

Today, I wish to thank everyone who has made my time here truly enjoyable...and helped me stick to blogging for so long...I always refine what I write..but not this time... I wanted to write dilse and not let my dimaag interfere....

I want to repost something that is very close to my heart..I wrote this for my friend when she got engaged and I still think this is my best post till date..

Princess Jaijaishubhlaxmi (Lets call her P.J shall we...the name is too long) was ecstatic. She was to marry Prince Ishwar Jaykumar Unnikrishnan (PIJU for short...watz with all these south Indian names!!) in 3 weeks. The palace was being cleaned and preparations were on in full swing..and why was the first wedding the palace was witnessing in 25 years.


Princess Jaijaishubhlaxmi's beauty was talked about in all kingdoms far and wide. Legend has it that her smile could light a thousand lamps (much like the HappydentWhite ads ) Many valiant princes had tried to win her hand but in vain. P.J didn’t feel the connection with any one.

One fine summer afternoon P.J was strolling in the royal gardens with her friends F, R and S. These girls were courtiers in His Majesty's court. They were best friends and shared everything. They would meet by the lake during smoke breaks ( F, R and S who weren’t born to privilege like PJ worked during the day and partied during the nite. PJ on the other hand spent her days rejecting guys and her nites partying with her gal gang) and talk about the latest suitor to bite the dirt. But today something was different.

P.J seemed quite impressed with the latest suitor who had come her way. They had exchanged a few P-mails and she seemed quite smitten by him.

PJ: I think PIJU is the one (giggles)

S: But you haven’t even met him, how could you be so sure?

F: (staring at his oil painting) Ohh hez soo cute...!!

R: Ohh I dunno..I dont really like his pose..I mean which guy would wanna pose like that for a pic?

PJ: Ohh cmon you guys...hez cute...hez intelligent....He lives in UK (Uttar Karnataka).. You know how much I love UK!!

And right then the girls knew....PIJU was gonna become their Jiju.

At the palace (Flashpresent):

The preparations were on in full swing. PJs lustrous hair was being oiled and combed. Bottles of Livon (a gift from the British) were being emptied to ensure not one hair was out of place. PJ looked at herself in the mirror and was pleased. She had never looked so gorgeous..... PIJUs love was surely making her glow. She smiled at that thought. Par yeah kya...???? Only 900 lamps lit up!!

PJ: Ohh no Mom, my smile doesn’t have that Jadoo anymore :(

Maharani Mom (MaM): Ohh no..we will now have to manually light those 100 lamps. Do you have any idea how expensive kerosene is now a days??

Maharaja Dad (MaD): Aare bacche koi nahi...don’t u worry!!

Lets get your teeth cleaned. I know a really great daanth-vaidh (dentist). He will get your teeth shining in no time.

At the Daanth-Vaidh's clinic :

PJ: Ohh please!! Ohh please!! get my teeth all shining again.

Daanth-Vaidh: Of course your majesty.

PJ: Aaaaachhhhoooooo!!

Daanth-Vaidh: OHH NOOOO!!

Back at the palace (Still flashing present):

MaM: Ohh no PJ...what happened to your tooth. Your mouth looks like the gateway to our kingdom!!

PJ: What do I do now....I cant believe PIJU will see me like this.

MaM: Aaare beta its ok....PIJU has 3 extra teeth and U have 1 less. Balance out ho jaaayega!!

MaD:Beta let this be a test of PIJU's love for you. Dekhte hain who he loves more...You or your tooth.

RF:I think u still look good....Trust me 968.75 lamps are more than enough to light up any palace

F:ROFLHAO...You look soo funny!

S: IDEA !!!

Flash Foward:Wedding Day

S,R and F come running in...Baraat aa gayi, Baraat aa gayi (giggles)

PJ smiles shyly at PIJU and PIJU is smitten all over again.

PJ gets married and becomes PJIJU (Princess Jaijaishubhlaxmi Ishwar Jaykumar Unnikrishnan) and they live happily ever after.

P.S:I know the questions on your mind "What about her lost tooth ?" "What brilliant idea did S come up with?"

Well its turned out PIJU did love PJ more than her tooth…so he happily donated one of his own....This ladies and gentlemen was the first and only tooth transplant in the history of mankind!!

Truly a (tooth) fairytale

PS:All pictures used are copyrighted by Disney and their respective owners. I do not own them. If this infringes any copyright laws please let me know and the pics will come down asap.

I am sure not many of you have read this post...I hope you enjoy it and love it the way I do :)

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Mere haathon main Jadoo hai ;)

Studying his reflection in the mirror, Sid shook his head "No this isn't the way I wanted it...Try again"

"Ohh come on, I need to get ready too" I wailed

A baby face and puppy dog eyes later, I was plugging in the hair dryer again.

In the 6 months since we moved here, I hadnt seen my mom grin so widely. Chatting and laughing with her new found walking group, my mom looked 20 years younger.

As the name suggests, her walking group goes on morning and evening walks together and spends a few afternoons at each other's house, chating, joking and gossiping. Today, it was mom's turn to play host and the aunty log were treated to a wide range of south indian fare from idli to dosa to mendu wada. Munching on an idli, Mehta aunty stared at Sid and me (we were playing waiters, getting lemonade and chutney and sambhar), turned to my mom and said, "Toh aap bahu kab laa rahe ho?"

My mom smiled, "Bahu? Abhi toh hum jamai layenge..Pehle Shanu ke haath peele karne hain" I had half a mind to drop the tray and run off pretending to be shy like some 70s ka heroine but with my T-shirt and shorts, I wasnt really dressed as the demure girl. "Lekin Shanu toh abhi choti hai..aapka beta toh kafi bada hai...uski shaadi nahi karoge kya?"

My mom nearly chocked on her dosa "Nahi nahi, Sid toh Shanu se ek saal chota hai"

Sid burst out into loud sobs while I did a little jig. I have alwayz had people tell me I dont look my age but trust me, nothing beats the feeling that you get when you are called younger than your younger sibling. I now know, how my mom must have felt when my doctor jokingly told me that I look like my mom's older sister (I hope he was joking though).

While I danced to Sid's tuneful sobs and the aunty log clapped, a sinister plan was taking shape in Sid's brain (he can multitask quite well).

"See, this is the way I want it. Dont you remember how it looked when I came home that day?? Try again."

That evening, he decided to get himself a brand new look. He came back home with his hair cut into spikes. The thing with a great haircut is, that it can do wonders to your face. Take away years, make your eyes look bigger, your nose can unveil a whole new you. And that is what the haircut did to him. It made him look younger. While the haircut brought with it loads of compliments for Sid, it also brought truckloads of problems for me. For you see, he cant spike his hair himself.

"C'mon ya Sid, this is looking perfect. I need to get ready too. I cant go out looking like this." I complained

Puppy dog eyes and I am back to the styling gel.

5 attempts later, his hair is finally styled the way he wants it and I am able to run a comb through my unstyled hair.

I have spent the whole of last week, spiking his hair. Me thinks, me could open a salon and spike hair for a fee.

While this week gave Sid a whole new look, it also gave me an insight into my own hidden talents. I have realised that I have a flair for hairstyling and dont really need any formal training. I have now decided to pursue hairstyling and have convinced my cousin to lend me her tresses for practising my skills. If all goes well, she will have a great hairstyle to flaunt by the end of this week. But ek se mera kya hoga? I need to keep practicing...So if you are looking for a free makeover, write to me and watch your life transform because mere dost..mere haathon main jadoo hai :)