Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Opps...I did it again....

"Beta yeah 84 ka bus stop kidhar hai"

A hundred people standing in queue for the bus and the dear old lady had to choose me to ask this question. My annual pilgrimage just done, I refused to open my bad karma account so soon. I studiously ignored the lady. The girl in front of me looked at me with accusing eyes. I didnt care. Why dont u answer her Miss Accusing Eyes, my eyes accused her back. The lady mesmerised by my innocent looks decided to stand next to me with hopeful eyes. I continued to ignore her. Miss Accusing Eyes could take it no more. She turned to Lady Hopeful Eyes and pointed her to the right direction. The lady seemed like she needed to hear it from me. She looked at me, waiting for my approval. I nodded. Smiling, she left.

For anyone who has read this blog for any length of time, it will come as no surprise that I absolutely suck at directions. Yet, blessed with the innocent, bhola bhala type chehra that I have, I usually get picked by absolute strangers to ask directions to places I have no clue about. On the rare occasions that I travel by train I am asked 'Aur kitne stations ke baad XXXXXX aayega beta' to which I usually respond with a blank stare hoping the lady next to me comes to my rescue before I blurt something out.

Because I suffer from the compulsive answering syndrome.

It doesn't matter if I know the way or not, it doesn't matter if I have never travelled by the Central line before, it doesn't matter if I know whether the dish is vegetarian or not, if I am asked a question, I have to answer it. All the annual pilgrimage trips that my mom plans for me have to do with my compulsive answering problem. She thinks I annually accrue a lifetime worth of bad karma by making staunch veggies eat non vegetarian fare and on other occasions sending people off in directions completely opposite to the one they are supposed to take.

Like yesterday, when a guy asked me which way Malad station was. Being new to the area, I had absolutely no clue. And yet, I pointed him to a completely random direction whilst my mom looked on in horror. An earful of "Why cant you just say I dont know" and " Parmeshwara, when will this girl learn" later, I ran towards the way I pointed, found the guy and pointed him in the correct direction.

Or like at my friend Fari's wedding. Just as I was about to taste a starter, a totally random lady comes up to me and asks me "Beta, yeah veg hai kya?" I quickly take a mouthful and blink at her while chewing slowly hoping she gets disgusted and scoots off. No. She doesn't. She finds it fascinating and decides to wait till I finish eating.

2 mouthfuls of the starter and 5 thoughtful minutes later, I come to the conclusion that it indeed is vegetarian dish made of paneer. I confidently nod and decide to move around and try out something else. 3 starters and a couple of main courses later I realize that in addition to directional dyslexia and the compulsive answering syndrome, I also suffer from pannerchickitisis ie the inability to differentiate between paneer and chicken.

After misguiding 3 strangers this week and turning 5 staunch veggies into non vegetarians @ Fari's wedding (who comes to a Muslim wedding hoping to eat vegetarian khana anywayz), I have decided that I need another quick pilgrimage before the year ends :(

You now know what I am doing this New Year's eve :(

Saturday, December 26, 2009

My cute pizza delivery guy.....

Hmm...So, I ordered a pizza today.

No big deal I know.

And I was disappointed...yet again.

You know, how they have really cute/hot guys delivering pizzas in ads.

Every time I order a pizza, I wait in anticipation for this...........

But I am alwayz greeted with this...

Oh Santa...U know what I want for Christmas now...A really cute pizza delivery guy ;)

I am planning to order Pizza for New Year's eve too.....

Come on...Work your magic..and make this New Year's Eve magical ;)

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Season's greetings....

Shanu wishes all the readers of Fullon Bakwaas

A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year :)

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Award ko Award hi rehne do koi naam na do......

May 2009

Its my first month in Bloggerville. Every blog I go, I find infested with the Honest Blogger award. Being a newbie, I look at all those who get this award with envy and admiration (99% envy and 1% admiration). The award needed one to write 20 secrets about themselves. Hopeful, I started hording 20 secrets to unleash on the world but unfortunately, I never got this award and Bloggerville was spared the torture.

Cut to Dec 2009

One of my first friends on Blogger, golu molu Bluntu gives me a Nameless Award.....Given our history and the kind of comments I leave on his blog..I was kinda expecting the Shameless Award..but main khush hoon.. Nameless ho ya Shameless, award toh award hota hai boss :) and plus it carries with it a directive to write 7 secrets about yourself. For someone who has had 20 secrets ready to be spilled for ages now, choosing only 7 is very very difficult.

Lekin yeah kya? My dushman and competitor (she stole ATMM away from me and now is behind my Bluntu ) decides to award me too. Which is super duper awesome because I now get to write 14 secrets about myself...I am just hoping that some1 else tags me before I post this phir mere 2o ke 20 points aa jaayenge and I shall include 1 additional point for good luck ;)

Toh yeah lo..karlo sach ka samna :P

1) I wasnt very keen to protect my anon status. Infact, most of the bloggers who I befriended in the initial days know my real name. I honestly never thought of it as a big deal. But talking to 2 of my closest friends in Bloggerville, both anon bloggers, has made me conscious of my anon status. And no, I still don't know what their real name is, while they know everything about me. Do I regret it? Sometimes yes. But most of times No, because they are the reason why I have stuck to blogging for so long. Nahi toh main kab ki bore ho gayi hoti.

2)I am scared of lifts. I prefer taking the stairs than being enclosed in that box and trust it to take me to the right floor. On days that I have to take the lift alone, I loudly chant prayers all the way up, to ward off any ghosts that might choose to sneak up on me. But on most days I prefer taking the stairs to and from my 7 th floor apartment. Ya, I am scared of ghosts too.

3)I am also scared of babies. Wanna know why? Read this.

4)I absolutely hate surprise parties. All my friends know it. And they dare not throw a surprise party for me. Ever.

5)I am allergic to sea water. I cannot survive a trip to the beach without developing a red rash. And yet, I take long walks on the beach and want to own a sea facing home some day. Its my way of telling my stupid sensitive skin..I am the one in charge :P

6)Blessed wit the gift of gab, I can talk anyone into anything and make it seem like it was their idea in the first place. :p

7)I wanted dimples all my life. Infact, I tried pushing holes in my cheeks with pencils when younger. I would sit in front of the mirror for hours, push 2 pencils into my cheeks and smile hoping that my face will learn to stay that way.

8) I hate dressing up. No matter what the occasion I land up there in my jeans and Tshirt. My mom has now taken up the responsibility of getting me to dress like a girl. I wish her luck ;)

9) I am extremely clumsy. I keep tripping over my own feet. On the rare days that I wear a salwar, I trip over the dupatta. If I hit Sid and try to run away, chances are I will bang into the door and fall down, and he wouldn't have to lift a finger. The rail station, the playground, my office, the doctor's clinic, the library....there isnt a place where I haven't fallen and left my mark.

10)I have 3 wishes ready just in case a genie pops up and says to me "Your wish is my command". Bas ab genie milne ki der hai.

I know I have 4 more secrets to unleash. But after editing and re-editing, I have reached the conclusion that Bloggerville is better off not knowing them. Secondly, I am feeling lazy :P

Now the best part, passing on the award. I know most of the bloggers I wanted to pass it on to have already been tagged. But I will still tag/award them because I am stubborn :P

I tag/award:

Ashley: Meri Dost aur meri Dushman

Mindey: Some1 who is very capable of doing tags in comment boxes

Bluntu: Mera Pyaar..Shalimar

Riddhi: Some one who can blabber without any rhyme or reason

Meow: One of my first blogger friends

Spikey: Want to wake him up from the blogging slumber

G3: Meri gavwali

Ice ice baby: The queen of all randomness :)

Tarun: Never seen him do a tag before

Dhanya: Love the way she writes, Simple and sweet

Orange: I can identify with most of her posts

And anyone and everyone who wants to take up this tag/award..Enjoy :)

Friday, December 11, 2009

Tweeting good deeds......

I have always been the helpful types. Helping ladies with their heavy grocery bags, helping cute kiddos with their homework to offering my seat to the elderly on the train are things I do all the time (yea and you thought of me as a spoilt brat). But there was one good deed which had always eluded me..Helping an old lady cross the road.

A tweet by a friend which went something like this
"Helped an old lady cross the road...she smiled & gave me a chocolate..much like the way my grandmom used is all about these small beautiful moments...." jagofied again the purana daba hua armaan of helping old ladies cross the road. The chocolate had nothing to do with it. I hate chocolates. Infact, a few days ago a rickwala who got senti looking at my bhola bhala chehra, stopped the rick, and bought me a chocolate. Which I took because I didnt wanna offend him. I later fed it to Sid and I am glad to say it wasn't drugged.

Back to the point.

I sat back and tried to analyse why I have never been able to help anyone cross the road. And I arrived at the reason in no time. The rickwala.

My blog has been the silent witness of my love for the rickwala.The dashboard littered with rickwala drafts bears testimony to the fact that there was nothing more that I would want on a rainy day than a dry curtain wali rickshaw. And inspite of the love that oozed out of my every pore, I had been betrayed. By my very own rickwala. My ricking ways had prevented me from crossing the road. Toh kissi aur ko road cross karaneka sawal hi nahi uthatha.

So last week I decided to walk for 10 mins before taking the rick to work. Agar meri kismet main kissi ko rasta cross karana likha hoga toh woh inn 10 mins main mereko mil jaayega. And find her I did.

There she was standing, looking at the rush hour traffic with wary eyes. She looked at me and beamed. Wrong timing. I was late for work. Very late. I was torn between the long time desire to help someone cross and the desire to reach work on time for a change. Me, being me, wanted to have my cake and eat it too. So I decided to help the lady cross the road and then rush back to work.

I smiled and asked her if she needed to cross the road. She nodded meekly. I held her hand and started motioning her across the road (Kya karneka..I was late). I held up one valiant hand against the traffic hoping the cars and buses would heed my isharas and slow down. But naah..they didnt seem to be in the mood to slow down. No zebra crossing or traffic signal in the vicinity ensured that I would have to wait for a break in the seamless traffic. Secondly, getting the lady over the divider seemed like a task in itself.

And I honestly, didnt have the time. It was a choice between helping her cross the road and keeping my job. And in these times of recession we all know what wins hands down. Yup, my job did.

I flagged a rick down and while I was getting in, I was struck with a brilliant idea. I asked the rickwala to take a U turn so that I could drop the lady on the other side. The lady who was quite impressed with my hosiyari nodded happily.

Yet again, the rickwala had come to my rescue. My faith in the rickwalas of the world restored, I happily tweeted about my good deed:
"Helped an old lady cross the road in a brilliant am I :)"