Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Not Just Bakwaas.....

This isnt the normal fictional stuff that I usually blog about. Something has been bothering me for the last few days and what better place to vent it out than my dear Fullon.

A girl I work with has been having a lot of problems with her husband who mistreats her and beats her up nearly every alternate day. Unable to bear the torture anymore, she poured her heart out to me last week. Her husband is extremely well placed and has a lot of political connections. She told me that she wished to separate from her husband and needed my help (!) He has threatened to take their 1 year old daughter away from her if she files for a divorce.

Now, I am not a lawyer and I cant boast of being mature enough to handle issues of this nature. But desperate as she was for a helping hand and a sympathetic ear, she asked me to help her out.

When I mentioned this to my mother, she obviously freaked out. Trying to help people has landed me in trouble in the past. And anyone with political connections is enough to scare the wits out of her(or out of anyone for that matter). She strictly asked me to keep out of this.

Facing the girl, looking at her bruises and watching her cry her heart out everyday, isnt a easy task. I caved in.

I contacted Woman welfare groups and tried getting legal aid so that she could separate from her husband and retain custody of her child.

All this while, she would come to me and tell me how dangerous her husband is and how he could stoop to any levels to get his way. Infact, her parents are so scared of thier son-in-law that they have distanced themselves from the whole scene and have left their daughter to her fate. Honestly, it would freak me out everytime she would mention her husband's political connections and the various ways in which he had tortured her and her parents. But call it my bravado or my stupidity, I continued to contact agencies which I thought would get her out of this.

2 days ago, I sent her an email from my official id with details of all agencies she could contact to seek legal aid. Now this email had my full name in addition to the place I work at and my cell number.

Imagine my horror when I found out that she had forwarded that email to him (to intimidate him) without bothering to delete the mail chain. Which means that her politically well placed husband now has my name, my number and obviously knows where I work. I am freaking out imagining what the repercussions of this could be if he is indeed as dangerous as she made him out to be.

I havent told anyone at home about this as it might end up scaring everyone and this isnt something I wanna involve my family in.

I do not know why I have blogged about this, but in my current state of mind couldn't think of anything else.

37 comments:

Tarun Mitra said...

Shanu, bachche tu toh gayi....jab dande padte hai toh sari akal dhari ki dhari rah jati hai...

Though that seemed like a joke but wasn't. But now you are in a mess (or a hole) created (or dug) by you only..it is one thing to lend an ear and it is quite different to lease out everything..You must have made it sure that the girl is not fickle minded herself or the trouble for she gets bashed up has some of her doing also...

Take care, and just tell anyone who asks the she asked you the details and you gave them

blunt edges said...

i'm glad u helped her out...come on it would be fine...chill

The Survivor said...

You did the right thing in trying to help her out.

If the email only contains the list of institutions where she can seek help, then you can always say she asked for it.

Netika Lumb said...

It'll all be great!! Trust me. ANd trust God. See it like this.. No one has ever seen God, yet we turn to him for help. He doesn't help you, he sends an angel. Perhaps, you were the angel. He won't let you be harmed. Faith, it is called :)
More so, when you're right :)

Asif said...

Hey You, Your friendship and Your writing style...Too Good I must say.
Yes you did the right thing in helping her out. Stick to it and don’t worry about her evil husband. More over why don’t go along with your friend and lodge a police complaint on him ASAP. Don’t ever think that helping your friends will be like “Aaa Bail mujhay maar” :)…
Remember that people who are wrong and who ill treat women don’t have much guts. Instead of getting afraid of him, try to intimidate him, I’m sure that he wont dare to harm you.
Hilarious part is that she forwarded the mail to him instead of complaining about him to someone who can help.

Arslan said...

Hey, I'm sure the guy won't dare to harm/intimidate you. Still, be careful and make sure you continue to help, but cover your tracks!

soin said...

i guess that fellow doesnt consider women to be that much of a threat.so he wont actually care about you or the help groups.and before helpin have a fair idea about their iq..free

Harini said...

Be careful but you did the right thing by helping out. But just be a bit careful and dig for any sort of connections you might have just in case. And also yell at her for giving him your details. Anyways, i dont think he will do anything anyway :).

gayathri-vishwanathan said...

firstly calm down...

its sad people use their politicial contacts to get away with things...see on ur part u did the right thing by informing her about the agencies that can help her...but then tumhari dost ne apne foot pe khud kulhadi maar lee...why on the earth did she send her husband the list of the agencies...usko maar padegi ulta...she should have silently taken action against him.

As for ur security...tu tension mat le...kya karega woh, zyada se zyada phone karke tujhe dhamki dega hain naa...is se zyaada kuch nahi ho sakta...pls calm down...

aur haan ab se us ladki ko bol de kii boss main teri madad karti agar tu zara apna dhimaak use karti toh...jab tu apna dhimaak use nahi kar sakti toh pls meri jaan katre mein mat daal.

P.S: aur haan pls inform ur mom about this...zyada se zyada daat padegi but atleast they will be well informed about whats happening in ur life...i am proud of u for taking this brave step!!!

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious said...

Wow! You are one brave chic! Way to go! Though giving her the addresses on a piece of paper would have been safer. But then you must be already kicking yourself for not doing that, right?

Anyway, I think you should tell someone. I mean someone you can trust, if not your family. If possible, try not to go alone to places for a while. Keep a pepper spray in your purse. Keep your cell phone charged at all times. That's all I can think of. Take care and be safe.

The Idiot Blogs said...

Shanu

You are a brave girl. Dont be scared now. Its unlikely that the half boiled politician will come after you. From his perceptive what has happened is likely to be of very little consequence. He is likely to stop at threatening his wife... If the guy is really powerful... the NGOs are unlikely to be of much help and he wont worry about them...

If he isn't... there is nothing to bother about... he wont be able to pull enough muscle for something like this... And I wonder... did the lady you helped really need help or did she just want to threaten her husband...

COMMUNI said...

chill yaar..

Firstly appreciate your helping mentality. But can't believe the stupidity of that lady fwding the mail to her husband.

I think its better to let your mother know what you did. She will be of a better help than anyone of us here.

NIM said...

first of all...bravo! u are doing a good thing...
Secondly, I think you should take extra care, maybe confide in someone you can trust so that in case something goes wrong there's someone to hold your back...

Ashley said...

She wants to separate from her husband...Which means that she is still living with him... And yet she forwards him a mail containing the names of the agencies that could help her... Knowing fully well that he has connections... Knowing that he may then contact them and influence them...Also knowing that at the end of the day she will have to face the music for that mail...considering that she is still living with him and he physically abuses her...

I don't like the sound of this..But I also feel that you don't have to worry as much..You can just say the truth that the girl asked you for names of NGO's and you forwarded the same to her..All in a days work...

It is not like you have witnessed a heinous crime that no one else knows about..And thankfully life is not a movie...Not for everyone..

Don't people who know you read this blog? I hope one of em sit you down and you get to talk this out.

So chill and Tc!

Meenakshi said...

You can kick me if you want, but the first response was a laugh. I have been in ample situations like this.

First things first, tell this to someone(in the family or outside it who are close) who knows u (without your anon status).

I don't think there is much to be scared anyway. If your friend really wanted to save herself or get rid of her husband, she would not have fwded him the mail u sent. Her issue was to get out of the abusive relation not stay in it by trying to scare her husband.

Either she is outright dumb or she doesn't care enough to see to it that she doesn't drag you into trouble or her hubby is not as dangerous as she makes him to appear or there is a completely different story altogether.

* Be careful, but don't break your head over it..

Good spirit, though. Don't stop helping people. No matter wat situation you get yourself in, you shall get out of it feeling good that u tried atleast to do good with only gud intentions.

Sid said...

Hey the best thing u can do is push this out to the media, if needed (if he comes after yo). Get in touch with some media outlet/reporter on a discrete basis. You may have witnessed the brouhaha these guys can create, doing you any harm will be very difficult for any person around.

Tricky Hat said...

this izzzz Not just Bakwaas but Fullon Bakwaas
Shez livin wid him in de same house N still frwding de mail 2 intimidate? KEWL!
dhakkan Pakaw mat yaar
ok i dont wanna hurt u so i blve u N ill say u r doin a gud job.Dhand rakho dhand

Tricky Hat said...

Acha behenji givme de details
tomrw he'll b behind de bars undr domestic violence act

Kaddu said...

Definitely NOT bakwaas!

I believe in the saying "hope for the best but be prepared for the worst". So just 2 things...

1. Make sure u tell someone (who knows u in real life) abt what u have done... including the names of this husband and wife... so in case this guy is really as much of a jerk as his wife claims he is, someone would know at least where to look for u if u suddenly go missing! (Being prepared for the worst... though I hope it never gets to this!)

2. Try to find out if the wife really wants an out from the relationship or just wants a way to get her hubby to dance to her tunes. Forwarding the mail to him doesn't sound like something a woman would do when she's really seeking to get out of a relationship. Also, is she really aware of the practical consequences of calling her marriage off... financial, career and personal security? As u say, her parents have distanced themselves already.

Appreciate your desire to help... but u can only take the horse to the pond, he'd have to drink himself. And is she really willing to drink up her life?

Scattered Thoughts... said...

don't be a fattu.. if you were so scared of the so called political connections and all that crap, you shouldn't have got involved in first place.. now when you have, which shows you wanted to help her, then be firm.

That been said, there are few points which are strange.. do you really think she wanted to act or it was just that she needed a shoulder to cry.. I have seen most of them will just cry cry and cry but when it actually comes to take action, that will never happen.

Secondly like some one else also said, its a stupid act that she forwarded the name of the agencies to her hubby? how does that make sense?

Finally, you should probably think more with your brains instead of heart.. take it as a lesson learnt in not-so-hard way (at least hope so)

Take Care!!

HaRy!! said...

well usualy always yur posts are funny and bakwass... yu did the right thing!!, thats the bravery act! ...god bles, i do tink u can help..but as some one said...only tak the horse 2 the pond!!..

HaRy!! said...

well usualy always yur posts are funny and bakwass... yu did the right thing!!, thats the bravery act! ...god bles, i do tink u can help..but as some one said...only tak the horse 2 the pond!!..

gkam said...

That was indeed very brave of u Shanu.

Now, don't be afraid. As Kadambari rightly said: "Do the Best and Be prepared for the worst"; be prepared but DONT think the worst will happen. Worst being her husband harming u in any way. Do be in a positive frame of mind.

Also, talks to ur parents about this. You cannot fight alone. I'm sure ur parents will understand and support u regardless.

Be Strong! :)

Shanu said...

@ All

Thanks for your concern and for your suggestions.

I have spoken to my mom about this situation and have also sought help from a well placed friend just in case I need help.

I hope things work out for her. :)

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roflindian said...

HS

We are normal human beings. And every now and then, we do have such overpowering urges to plunge ourselves headlong into audacious acts of philanthropy. It's perfectly normal and sane to want to try and help others in distress. That's how the fabric of humanity withstands the asperity of evil doers. You have done nothing wrong by coming out in support of your colleague.

However, there's an anecdote I'd like to share with you that amply justifies the use of commonsense when faced by such confounding situations. Once, at an interview for recruitment of soldiers, the colonel asked a trooper what his duty was towards his country. "To die for my country", pat came the reply. The colonel corrected him, "No..your duty is to ensure that your enemies die for their countries."

Finally, just wish to assure you that barking dogs seldom bite. So go ahead doing your job without worrying your head off. And keep your readers in loop. You have an army with you too :)

blunt edges said...

i kinda agree with what CalebCKan said above! very thought-provoking!

Shanu said...

@ Doc

And keep your readers in loop. You have an army with you too :)

Awww..Thank you for the sweet comment

Shanu said...

@ Blunty

Yup I agree..totally profound!

Lazy Pineapple said...

Shanu: This is very courageous of you. I know you are worried, but you did the right thing.

Just communicate to the girl that you are ready to help her, but that she needs to be careful about involving you as she herself knows of her husbands political clout.

I am sure things will work out. Just be strong and god bless you for your good deed.

allthecrap said...

All the best..I hope all remains well...read 2-3 post of yours ..you are too funny...keep it going :)

Never Ending Memories said...

Oh Thats too sad.. Anyway, you did a right thing to help your friend.. Dont Worry.. Ache log ko ache hi hoti hai..

Between, I read your other posts. Its too good and hilarious.. Keep going.

Scattered Thoughts... said...

Hey.. you alright or kidnapped already.. long time no see??

Shanu said...

@ ST

LOL.Nahi re..humko kidnap kare yeah zamane main dum nahi..humse zamana hai..zamane se hum nahi :P

eye-in-sty-in said...

Read a few comments and i'd say Ashley and Meenakshi make the most sense.

Hope things are better by now.

tc.

scarlet pimpernel said...

Stupid lady !!!
She should tape some of the torture sessions using a camera pen or something like that and then get a good lawyer.
Otherwise it is highly likely that she will lose the custody of the child.
Fuck .... her parents .
Bravo ... please help her because what goes around comes around.
stop chickening .... stand up to him if he intimidates you.

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