Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Opps...I did it again....


"Beta yeah 84 ka bus stop kidhar hai"



A hundred people standing in queue for the bus and the dear old lady had to choose me to ask this question. My annual pilgrimage just done, I refused to open my bad karma account so soon. I studiously ignored the lady. The girl in front of me looked at me with accusing eyes. I didnt care. Why dont u answer her Miss Accusing Eyes, my eyes accused her back. The lady mesmerised by my innocent looks decided to stand next to me with hopeful eyes. I continued to ignore her. Miss Accusing Eyes could take it no more. She turned to Lady Hopeful Eyes and pointed her to the right direction. The lady seemed like she needed to hear it from me. She looked at me, waiting for my approval. I nodded. Smiling, she left.

For anyone who has read this blog for any length of time, it will come as no surprise that I absolutely suck at directions. Yet, blessed with the innocent, bhola bhala type chehra that I have, I usually get picked by absolute strangers to ask directions to places I have no clue about. On the rare occasions that I travel by train I am asked 'Aur kitne stations ke baad XXXXXX aayega beta' to which I usually respond with a blank stare hoping the lady next to me comes to my rescue before I blurt something out.

Because I suffer from the compulsive answering syndrome.

It doesn't matter if I know the way or not, it doesn't matter if I have never travelled by the Central line before, it doesn't matter if I know whether the dish is vegetarian or not, if I am asked a question, I have to answer it. All the annual pilgrimage trips that my mom plans for me have to do with my compulsive answering problem. She thinks I annually accrue a lifetime worth of bad karma by making staunch veggies eat non vegetarian fare and on other occasions sending people off in directions completely opposite to the one they are supposed to take.

Like yesterday, when a guy asked me which way Malad station was. Being new to the area, I had absolutely no clue. And yet, I pointed him to a completely random direction whilst my mom looked on in horror. An earful of "Why cant you just say I dont know" and " Parmeshwara, when will this girl learn" later, I ran towards the way I pointed, found the guy and pointed him in the correct direction.

Or like at my friend Fari's wedding. Just as I was about to taste a starter, a totally random lady comes up to me and asks me "Beta, yeah veg hai kya?" I quickly take a mouthful and blink at her while chewing slowly hoping she gets disgusted and scoots off. No. She doesn't. She finds it fascinating and decides to wait till I finish eating.

2 mouthfuls of the starter and 5 thoughtful minutes later, I come to the conclusion that it indeed is vegetarian dish made of paneer. I confidently nod and decide to move around and try out something else. 3 starters and a couple of main courses later I realize that in addition to directional dyslexia and the compulsive answering syndrome, I also suffer from pannerchickitisis ie the inability to differentiate between paneer and chicken.

After misguiding 3 strangers this week and turning 5 staunch veggies into non vegetarians @ Fari's wedding (who comes to a Muslim wedding hoping to eat vegetarian khana anywayz), I have decided that I need another quick pilgrimage before the year ends :(

You now know what I am doing this New Year's eve :(


92 comments:

Ashley said...

@My Dear One Eyed Ridiculously Funny Shanu

"Compulsive Answering Syndrome?
Pannerchickitisis?
Parmeshwara..."

ROFLMAO..:D :D :D

Gal..This post was super, so you and I so loooved it!

Now if only you had yahoo smileys in ur blog like me..
I would've sent some kissies your way...
Will do with Hugs for now..

*Hugs*
The Big Eyed Freak aka Ashes

Ashley said...

And YAY!
Me first!
Me first!!
Me first!!! :)

Shanu said...

@ My Noseless Wonder

Yes, U frst u frst u frst :)

Thank you so much for ur comment babes..Made my day :)

P.S I am planning to patent those words..what say ;)

Shanu said...

@ Noseless wonder

How do I add those smileys..I dnt wanna lose out on the kissies agn :)

blunt edges said...

n i thought u were ordering pizzas on new years! ;)

hmmmm...i did read the comment chain between ashley n u 4 the last post...

"These boys are just not worth it"

"Yup chuck the stupid Bluntu..who wants him newayz!"

haye rabba yeh sunne se pehle me marr kyu nahi gaya!!!

Shanu said...

@ Bluntu

Shut up and comment on this post u cry baby

Ashley said...

@"Ms Look At Me I Whistle All The Time One Eyed Wonder"

Yes Gal..Pantent away!
PS: I have sent you the link for the smiley instructions...Now please open both your eyes and follow instructions theek se w/o goofing up. :p

Ashley said...

@Blunteshwar
Oh mera pyara Blunteshwar....My rondhu baby....Mare tumhare room ke dust mites...

Psst: I was just being nice to the "One Eyed Wonder". Samjha karo..Fraandsheep ke khathir karna padta hain yaa ;)

Psst Psst: I think you comment is picture perfect..."One Eyed Wonder" needs to open both the eyes and read to be able 2 see that. :p

blunt edges said...

aakhir tum dono ka asli rang saamne aa hi gaya!

@ shanu
ja nahi karta...matlabi aurat

@ ashley
don't psst n psst psst me...tujhe teri fraandsheep mubarak

note 2 self: time 2 text HC

Shanu said...

@ Ashley

:P

Shanu said...

@ Bluntu

LOL

Karo karo HC ko text karo...I knew all along u were using us.

Dont frgt..u dont kno me..but i know who u are...Main tereko BOO karegi na toh tu darr jayega :P

Ashley said...

@Blunteshwar

Jab Bluntu hi rooth gaya...Hum is blog pe kya karenge...Chalo chale wapas apne url pe...

Sheesh! I dont like tht song...
Sheesh!
Sheesh!
Yes..I am "sheeshing" you..No more pssts...:p

Ashley said...

Oh Just saw Shanu's comment..

Blunteshwar
Even I know who you are...Your Name...Where you work...Which city...Yada Yada...
BOO!!! :D

blunt edges said...

guess HC slept off...no reply :(

@ shanu
oye dhamki kya de rahi hai? :P
ukhaad le jo ukhaadna hai :P:P:P

@ ashley
maybe 'psst' was better than 'sheesh'...what say we talk it through? ;)

blunt edges said...

HOW COME EVERYONE KNOWS WHO I AM??? :o

Shanu said...

@ Bluntu

Its time u chnged the profile pic from a calm calvin to a freaked out one :P

We know who u are bcoz u are cho chweet..Chweet guys are hard to find..joh thode bahut hote hain na..sari ladkiyon ko unke baare main pata hota hai :)

Psst: HC is one lucky babe..dnt u worry..she will realise soon enuff :)

Ashley said...

@Blunteshwar

Tu apne ID ke parda faash ke baare me dar ke mujhse sulah karna chahta hain???
This is what I say to that thought: "SHEESH!!!" :p

And don't you worry. Even my enemies secrets are safe with me..:p

Asif said...

Ha Ha Ha funny as ever...Loved reading it.
By the way, On your pilgrimage is there any scope of committing mistakes of type:
"Compulsive Answering Syndrome"?
&
"Pannerchickitisis"?
If so then i've to be very much concerned ... where will you go from there?

blunt edges said...

@ shanu
now how sweet was that! :D:D:D
nahi yaar HC wont work out :(

@ ashley
enemies? now we are enemies??? u mean dushman? n there breaks my heart again! :(

Ashley said...

@Blunteshwar
HC won't work out? Y baba? Pursue Pursue till u lose interest.

All the best!
Have a rocking New Years!

And yes..I can never be at loggerheads with Calvin-the king of comedy..He is just too cute u see! :)

Meenakshi said...

lol.. Bhagwan bhala kare un bechare logogn ka jo Shanu ke bhole bhale chehre ke shikaar ban gaye hain/ya aage banenge..

Pilgrimage-gud idea? New Year pilgrimage location? Hope you get your directions right to your destination and don't mislead ppl off to a disc/pub to some pilgrimage and yourself lose way and end up partying!!!

Any which ways, have a wonderful New Year!

Shanu said...

@ Asif

Thanks :)

Aare u ask a very intelligent question my frnd. The answer is My Mom. She ensures that I do not accrue ne bad karma wen on thse trips wit her..but kya karneka wen she aint arnd...the bad karma ticker starts :)

Sid said...

i originally came here 2 comment dat ur post is funny but now m confused wats funny ur story or the comments section...
All in all an entertaining blog :)

Shanu said...

@ Bluntu

Kyun re..haar mann gaya..agar main HC hoti toh i wld be very disappointed :)

Umm..u know i cld be HC :p Soch bluntu soch!

Shanu said...

@ Meenakshi

Haan yaar..I am gonna keep shut and not give ppl ne directions for the next 2 days :P

Wish u a happy new yr too babe :)

Shanu said...

@ Sid

Yup, thatz Fullon Bakwaas.

The place where Bakwaas never stops :P

blunt edges said...

@ ashley
arre long story yaar...maybe i'll blog about it sometime.
u have a great new years too :D
n calvin likes jenni just as much :D:D:D

@ shanu
kaash tu HC hoti yaar...kaash! ;)

Shanu said...

@ Bluntu

***Blushes***

Isssh :)

buckingfastard said...

arre keep pointing at random directions...i always do dat....if ur dumb enuf not to take a 2nd opinion and trust me totally...u suffer...

i hereby congratulate u fr turnin 5 veggies into non veggies...by this rate we will soon create a nonveg india...hehaha(cruel laugh)

Diwakar Sinha said...

LOL!
What a post! Instant hit, superhit! :D

gkam said...

I wanted to comment, but forgot after reading the hilarity in the earlier comments :P

Happy New Year 2010!

Thousif Raza said...

that was a very very funny post... i gotta tell you and pannerchickitisis hahahahahha i mean i cant stop laughing, Rolf here literally, my god you have your way with directions all rgt...


loved it ji loved it ;)


wish you a meery happy new year :P


take care and keep writing...............

gayathri-vishwanathan said...

directionless ladki...road kaa disha nahi pata toh zindagi mein sahi disha mein kaise chalogi??? nahi nahi its not what i say, its what one of my friend said when by mistake i told the rickshawala to turn left when actually the destination was in right side :)


happy new year!!!

iceprincess said...

awesome...as usual...

:)

iceprincess said...

am a veggie..will never ask u if a dish is veg or not...heheee

NIM said...

lmaorofl!! dude that was just too funny :D ...so it from malad? I get lost in that area too :p there is something similar that my mom says when I usually screw up with her around...she says "parmeshwara mala sodav!" these moms are always so over dramatic :p

Shanu said...

@ BF

LOL...Join the club :)

Shanu said...

@ Diwakar

Thank you thank you :)

Shanu said...

@ Gkam

Haan yaar, these comments seem to be distracting a lot of ppl..I have half a mind to delete them :P

Shanu said...

@ Thousif

Thanks :)

Shanu said...

@ Gayathri

LOL..Sahi dost hai re tere :)

Happy New year babe :)

Shanu said...

@ Ice ice baby

Thanks :)

Haan pls stay away frm me..nahi toh tu bhi ban jaayegi non veggie :P

Shanu said...

@ NIM

Yup, Moms are the ultimate drama queens :)

COMMUNI said...
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COMMUNI said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
COMMUNI said...

Came here to comment...but got lost reading the comments. No one can beat you Shanu!!

And happy new year :)

Harini said...

@ The Girl with deadly innocent looks

I suck at directions too... when some one asks me i look at them with blank expression and they decide that i m good for nothing :P :P. If i do know it (which is rare) I jump up and down and tell him :D.

PS- Remind me never to ask you about vegetarian food :P.

*Shreya* said...

*giggles*

forget directions, even the simple left/right makes me go all whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???!!!!! :D

dakku said...

hehe

oRange* said...

ROTFLMAO!

same same same! i always end up sending people to some other place only when im asked for directions. i dont know ..i just have to screw it up :P

*hi5*

Ode Writer said...

very very funny post !

wanted to say more, but forgot 'coz of the comments!!

u r funny, chicka !!

*note to self: NEVER EVER read other comments, before commenting!*

[Amod] said...

LoL, it's better to keep quiet than pointing fingers in random directions. The law of averages sometimes work, you know.
Read other blogs too, damn funny!!

~PakKaramu~ said...

Happy new year to you

Chhaya said...

Hey Shanu!!

first time @ ur blog.. lovvvveee the way u write :D

and being in the same city a u, i will now make sure i dun ask a bholi-bhali bachchi a direction wala Q. Ha Ha!!!

Have a great new year...

i m following ur blog now :)

Reema said...

LOL :D awesome word that one!! happy new year!!

Shanu said...

@ Communi

This is happening to a lot of ppl ya..I think I shld put up a statutory warning :P

Shanu said...

@ Harini

LOL..So glad to know I am not the only one :)

P.S: Tu bhi veggie? Yeah kya hai yaar..saara bloggerville vegetarian hai kya?

Shanu said...

@ Shreya

Haan ya, left right, upar neeche everythin confuses me :P

Welcome to Fullon :)

Shanu said...

@ Dakku

:)

Welcome to Fullon

Shanu said...

@ Orange

**Cyber Hi5***

Shanu said...

@ Ode Writer

Yup yup yup..dnt read the comments bfr commentin..Ever.

The comments on Fullon are damn distracting!

Shanu said...

@ Amod
:)

Welcome to Fullon :)

Shanu said...

@ Pakkaramu

Wish u the same :)

Shanu said...

@ Chhaya

Welcome to Fullon.

Thanks for the compliment..Haan meri shakal pe mat jaa..I am dangerous!

Shanu said...

@ Reema

Thanks :)

Meow said...

LOl this was amazing.. o my o my.. i am not gonna ask you whether its a veg or non veg dish.. u'll make me non-veg :P loved it baby :)

blunt edges said...

I have been accused by the author of this blog to have played a part in distracting the readers' attention from the actual post, courtesy a huge chain of comments (the fact that they enriched the entertainment value of the post is totally ignored by the said author).

I have also been accused of not commenting "responsibly" here, so here's a very "responsible" comment which i'm sure will be appreciated by the learned author.

Shouldn't the title of the post be "Oops...I did it again...." instead of "Opps...I did it again...."?

I believe my work here is done n will be appreciated by the author in question. Thank you!

Shanu said...

@ Meow

Yup, I am dangerous :P

Shanu said...

@ Blunt Edges

I accept your apology. Next time DO NOT distract my readers from my amazing writing!

And as far as the title is concerned..Title mera..spell main kar rahi hai..tereko kya hai re..u fault finder!

No ur wrk aint done and u wont be appreciated either..wait till u post next Mr Bluntu..teri toh wat hai wat!

blunt edges said...

oh hello...apologize kisne kiya? :P

Scattered Thoughts... said...

Hmmm..

The Idiot Blogs said...

The idiot has a small advise for you:

Please don't travel long distances to places you don't know well if you have a habit of talking to your self...

I love your blog... and your profile pic... the idiot is falling in love...

Ashley said...

Awwww...Shanu..Err.."The One Eyed Pouting Wonder" has a new lover it seems....

Fullon Fans...:))

Shanu said...

@ Scattered thghts

Hmm..hmmmmm... ;)

Shanu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shanu said...

@ Idiot Blogs

Idiots scare me.

The most intelligent things make no sense to these creatures while seemingly nonsensical stuff makes their world go round. They also tend be very endearing and fun to be with(numerous opportunities to crack jokes at their expense make them very popular).

You have tried unleashing your charms on me with your comments here. Like I mentioned earlier, Idiots scare me. And your behavior isnt helping matters.

Thanks for your kind words and for praising my profile pic. But please dont scare me again.

The Idiot Blogs said...

Love scares her
And idiots too
A loving idiot
He makes her blue

What can an idiot do when someone perfectly sensible would fall head over heels in love with the most gorgeous profile pic ever...

An idiot he was
To love the moon
Abode of celestials
Heaven for angels
But distant from mortals

And he was but a fool
His idiocy immortal

The idiot apologizes
For he might have scared the moon away
From the calmness of the night...

The idiot apologies
For he might have scared the moon away
With his presence, with his sight

Shanu said...

@ Ashley

Hmmm...too many fans re.

I need an AC.

Shanu said...

@ The Idiot

Aww..a poem..u wrote me a poem.

I have never had ne1 write me a poem before.

Thank you so much Mr Idiot.
You are talented indeed.

@ Bluntu and Mindey (where are u??)

Learn sumthin frm this idiot.

Shanu said...

@ The Idiot

And yes, you dont scare me anymore...I love ne1 who writes poems.

You aint as idiotic as you seem to be after all.

Welcome to Fullon Bakwaas once more :)

Ashley said...

"An idiot he was
To love the moon
Abode of celestials
Heaven for angels
But distant from mortals"


I feel like I am intruding...But nevertheless I just had to poke in my noseless nose and say this:

A idiot he was
He appreciated his love
He called her an angel
And placed her on the moon

An idiot he was
He apologizes
For his wonder his words his charm

An idiot he is
For his love is one eyed and near sighted
Alas! He does not realize
She cannot see his love

Yes. An idiot he is
An idiot in love....

blunt edges said...

@ The Idiot
OH HELLO!!! ***muscles flexed*** there are scores of female bloggers out there n u had 2 end up with ur "poem" (yeah right!) right here ha?
i must warn u...this is not a safe place 4 unsuspecting idiots! better keep a safe distance! ***muscles still flexed***

@ Shanu
we should have some kinda territory marking!
n i have never written poems yaar...ab kaise likhu? :o

@ Ashley
oye tu shanu ke bheje me aise-waise ideas mat daal!

Ashley said...

@Blunteshwar

Mujhe toh poems achhe lagte hain...Jahan poem dikhta hain main wahan uska poetic jawab de deti hu..Am not trying to put any ideas into anyone's mind dude. :p

Speaking of which you have never written any poems in my blog either....Neither do you ever get so flustered at poems on my blog...

Haiiiyyy!!! Ab yehi dekhna reh gaya tha... :|

Jenni says Katti to Calvin. :P

Shanu said...

@ My Mako Man Bluntu

Awww...look at u trying to flex those teeny weeny muscles..u are cho cute :)

@ Ashley

Jal mat shaani..keep the stupid bumbling idiot for urself!

IcE MaiDeN said...

OMG!!!! Girl you are a laughter riot!!!! :P My mom uses the "Parmeshwara .." beginning too!!! when she is really annoyed :P

Ok Im blogrolling you! :)

Cheers,
Annie.

Shanu said...

@ Annie

Thanks for the kind wrds and for the follow :)

Rajlakshmi said...

lolzzzz thats hillarious... I hope nenevr ever a day comes when i have to ask you for directions :D ... keep up with your pilgrimage jouneys :P hehehe

Critical Satirical said...

I loved the way u made yourself out to be a dumb and dumber but innocent. Keep it up. U have a great dumb future.

Farila said...

hey!!! You shocked me there by mentioning my wedding.. (Yeah! My family calls me Fari.. confirm it if you want on my blog) and I was wondering where this nayi nayi chokri came to my wedding which took place 20 years ago.
Thanks for a wonderful blog and giggles...

hitesh rawat said...

great....no seriously....when i started reading it....first couple of para's felt like...you are a guy.....

damn...my bad....after that i realized...you are a gal....

waise mujhe laga tune abhi tak guilt se......cause of turning 3 vegan to flesh eating animals......seriously how does it feel.... :)

Shanu said...

@ Rajlakshmi

Welcome to Fullon :)Yes, never ask Shanu for directions :)

@ CS

Welcome to Fullon..Keep visiting :)

@ Farila

Welcome to Fullon ::

@ Hitesh

Main guy hai? Yeah tereko kaise laga..mera pretty profile pic nahi dekha kya..Converting veggies to non veggies doesnt feel good ya..but kya kare...majburi hai :P

Welcome to Fullon :)

Menachery said...

Hilarious to the "T"... girl this was some post, and well i think you should Patent those words :)