Wednesday, July 22, 2009

How to get noticed at work in 3 simple steps!

At the cost of sounding immodest, I have to say that I am one of the few famous personalities at my workplace. Everyone from the security guard to the loo cleaner to the MD knows me by name. They acknowledge my presence sometimes with a subtle nod (my MD), at times with a energetic salute (my security guard) and others with a high-fi (random acquaintances).

My fame was noticed by a poor soul who was virtually unknown. People would walk right past her without acknowledging her presence while at other times, her ideas were not given their due credit. She mustered all the courage she could and approached me so that I could give her some tips on how to become famous. And the kind and caring soul that I am, I agreed, kinda like Will Smith in Hitch.

And there she was from zero to hero in just 3 easy steps! I know, I know, quite a few of you are dying to know how I managed this amazing feat. So as always, in true Shanu ishtyle, I present:


How to get noticed at work in 3 simple steps

The Fall of Fame: This is the simplest and yet the most effective way to attract attention to yourself. The best part about this tactic is that once you master it, you can try it out in a variety of different places.

Steps: One, Two, Three, Fall. Get up, dust yourself, Smile.

Repeat when needed.

My Claim to Fame: I was in the cafeteria walking towards my table with a glass of mango milkshake in one hand and a plate of cheese-grilled sandwich in the other. As always I decided to ignore the Wet floor sign and walked right across it. Bad move.

I slipped and the plate of cheese grilled sandwich landed on the floor. The mango milkshake, however, had other plans. It decided to slip outta my hand and in a move right out of a Spiderman movie, somersaulted on to my head. Although my hair looked great the next day, I made quite a sorry sight that day.

Note to self: Mango milkshake is a great conditioner.

My Protégé’s execution: We both mutually decided that as the cafeteria fall is my forte’ , she should try the staircase. The staircase chosen for this task was superbly placed at the center of the workfloor. It overlooked both the ground as well as the mezzanine floor. In short Perfect.

The Protégé confidently walked towards the staircase and as she reached the landing, slipped and fell. The commotion drew all attention to her, with a few helpful guys even coming and helping her stand up.

After effects: Her visibility rose and with it brought in a sprinkling of popularity too. She was asked out by 3 guys that week – something that hadn’t happened in the 2 years that she has spent in the organization.


You have got email: This tactic can get you visibility on an organizational level but the effects are short term and can be detrimental at times.

Steps: (i)Open Email, Type Gibberish, Send to the whole organization

Or (ii)Open any email that has been sent to the whole organization, Select reply to all, Type Gibberish, Send

My Claim to Fame: My Lotus notes has exceeded its quota limit ages ago. To send out emails, I use the copy into new option **Sob** The problem with this option is that if you aren’t careful, you end up replying to all who were copied in the original email.

My best friend Jyoti had come in to work wearing capris. She is quite petite and looked absolutely lovely. Me being me, decided to compliment her over email.

So I copied the first mail I could find (which incidentally was an Internal communication about one of our directors resigning), typed out my compliments “Capris pehankar tum dekho office main mat aana, Managers tumko sab chegenge, cubicles main mat jaana” and sent it out to..yeah you guessed it right…to the whole organization.

And that is how my MD knows me by name ***smug smile***

My Protégé’s execution: Anxious as she was to make her mark, she didn’t wait for an Internal communication. She just chose Option 1 to send out an extremely heavy (5 MB) virus laden forward.

After effects: This got her noticed not only by the senior management who issued her a memo (sending out non work related emails is not permitted in my organization) but also by the IT team who had to work on the server, which apparently crashed due to the virus.

Caveat:Virus check the email before you send it out.

Dressed to kill: This is an extremely difficult tactic and needs a lot of patience and preparation. But the results are longer lasting and well worth the efforts.

Steps: If you have a bad dressing sense, your work is done. For all you know, you are already famous and the whole organization knows you. Look out for words, which are often repeated when you are around e.g champakali or dhinchak. We have a sad dresser in our team who is code named ‘Subway’ because of the pin striped formal pants she wears.(Do not look for logic in the code name – there is none)

If you have a good sense of dressing, just pick up whatever repels you. For further information watch any Govinda movie. Girls can make Rakhi Sawant their idol.

My Claim to Fame: I was fortunate enough to get an extremely unflattering haircut. In fact, I was called Ishant (Ishant Sharma of Indian cricketing fame) for around 6 months till my hair grew back to a girly length. Those 6 months were the best months of my life, so much so that, I actually cried when my hairdresser gave me a better haircut when I went back to her.

My Protégé’s execution: My protégé has straightened her hair which she never conditions. Girls will know what I mean. Guys can refer to the Shock Laga ads.

After effects: This tactic got her instant attention with guys singing Shock laga laga laga Shock laga everytime she passes by.

My protégé is quite well known now. Infact there are times when the security guards salute her and ignore me.

The attention seeker in me hates it.

I am now working on how to reduce her visibility in 3 simple steps ***Evil Laugh***

82 comments:

Sowmi said...

Lol! Absolutely Funny Shanu... I liked it when you said "Shanu-ish style"..

Amazing way of gaining attention in office :P

gauri said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
gkam said...

hehhee!
cool post shanu

thoroughly enjoyed it! :)

Tarun Mitra said...

Meri bakwas ab shuru hoti hai:-
My friend has incidentally used your trademarked nuskas and here is his results
1. Fall of Fame: he fell on HR itself. Result, entire HR dept. came to know him. After all he was the one who came close to slaying the devil.

2. Email: In this case he used internal communicator called 'wall'. During his training period he typed some sweet abuses (need not be reproduced). Everyone saw it, the MD himself. Surge in popularity.

3. Dressed to Kill: Being a guy he'd a formal dress code...nothin can be done.

Net result...he is known almost by all..and in second came to lose his job...

Meri bakwass samapt..:)

roflindian said...

Getting noticed is an art. And it isn't too difficult either as we found out from your hila(hila ke rakh dene wala)rious post! A few more simple tricks would be - dipping yourself in a pond of perfume in the morning, liberal application of lakme's whitest face powder on the face and other assorted exposed parts, wearing the superman's costume to office (strictly for men), wearing a large half-a-kilo alarm clock on your wrist and allowing it to let out alarming wails at half hourly intervals (inspired from KI :-D) etc. etc. Oops! too long for a comment I guess...

blunt edges said...

hahahaha...those were 3 easy steps!!

lol at she tryin d staircase coz d cafe fall was ur forte...i see these steps come wid territory markin ha ;)

wudnt recommend d 2nd step 2 anyone...way too risky...on 2nd thots i cud pass it on 2 dat bad breath idiot who lands up on my seat all d time ***content smile***

ishant??? omg...even guys take it as an offence wen anyone calls dem dat...wonder how u survived dat ;)

gud 2 see ur protege walkin in ur nakshe kadam :D:D

downright phunny shanu!

ab hua na responsible comment? :D:D:D

Arv said...

You really do all this????

he hee... funny stuff :)

take care mate... cheers...

Miss Kido said...

Funny!!! :D

Shock laga laga laga shock laga :D :D

Thoroughly enjoyed this one :) Cheers!!!

As the Mind Meanders said...

I am convinced that you are popular... I am convinced that jaws drop when you pass by... I am convinced kids love you... I am convinced everyone chants... jaadu jaadu.. when they see you...

I love reading your blog... you are the funniest thing alive... :-)

gayathri-vishwanathan said...

hahahaha...loved this completely...i got to try this out...the attention seeker in me is becoming hyper active now...

commited to life said...

hii..

really liked the post
very funny
gonna try all the steps
and thnaks for mango shake tip.. will use it on my hair

p.s was just passing by

Bride2bee said...

I am so looking forward to the easy guide to become almost invisible!

This sounds like a sure shot success and am tempted to paste all of it in an e-mail and mass forward it.

iceprincess said...

superamazing!!!!
damn..ur really are great at this....
(applause)
clap clap clap.......
:)
:D
mango milkshake conditioners.and virus loaded mail...whoa...
lol!!!

ApocalypsE said...

Fall of fame actually works...

There's this one girl in my college fell down in the lab... I voluntarily slipped next to her and said, "If you wanna draw attention you gotta make a louder thunk... like this... I stood up and dropped again...

She aasked does it really works?

i said i dont know, I have never fallen for any girl before...

See thats a scene from a movie... Yeah Yeah... Fullon Bakwaas... ha ha :D

Reema said...

OMG!!! i DONT BELIEVE U DID ALL THIS!

Sid said...

where is the list for guys??

snow said...

haha absolute fun post, good stuff you got here. altho i'm not a regular blogger, count me as a regular reader now :) cheers!

Scattered Thoughts... said...

So the incidents mentioned in the post are prior to your top 10 song list for a break up.. its all a chain after all.. seek attention, go out, dating, break up, sad songs.. :))

or you are on mission once again to start from zero :P

~*~ Jal Pari ~*~ said...

lol.. I love your stories woman. You simply rock!

eye-in-sty-in said...

Ishant? Subway???????
This was a riot! Although, having too many women dressing like rakhi sawant can be hazardous in the office :P
Especially if they happen to slip n fall on the staircase at the same time!

Par said...

Real funny one..
I really wud think twice on ur advice though! :D
Nice read.

ani_aset said...

hey lovely post yaar..hehe too good :D

BrownPhantom said...

Hilarious :).
Capri wala agar sahi me hua tha to bada khatarnaak hain :).
Ishant Sharma ko ye post forward kiya jaaye plz.
Weird dress/hair-cuts are the surest way to get noticed. Also, if you come to office too late or leave too early on a regular basis :). But then , you have better ways of doing that :).

Shanu said...

@ Sowmi

Thanks babes :)

Shanu said...

@ Gkam

Thank you :)

Shanu said...

@ Tarun

Aaare wah, I am glad that my nuskhas were helpful to your dost. Please ask him to send me a cheque of Rs 5000 for the services rendered :P

Daisy Blue said...

First time here... the haircut incident reminds me of the time when I was called "boy cut"

Archana said...

Haha, you're such a goof. :) I love it, I think if we both worked in the same work place we'd be a riot. ;)

As for the evil laugh in the end, haha...oooh she better watch out! Lol. <3

Shanu said...

@ ROFL

Wah wah kya ideas hain..will use these with my nextr batch :)

Shanu said...

@ Blunty

Ofcourse territorial markings toh important hain boss..nahi toh sab log ek saath ek hi jagah par girne lage toh value khatam ho jaayegi na! Samjhta nahi hai tu yaar!

Yup Ishant! Imagine maine woh 6 mnts kaise nikale honge!

Acha laga tera responsible comment padhkar..dekha tu can b funny and sensible at the same time..wonder why u dont do it often :P

P.S: Check my follower count..surprise for u there :P

Shanu said...

@ Arv

Lol..yup the capris and email incidents are true..I am kinda weird :P

Shanu said...

@ Kido

Glad u liked it :)

Shanu said...

@ Mr Meandering mind

I am convinced that you are popular(yay, finally!)...

I am convinced that jaws drop when you pass by...(Haan yaar! Sirf jaws nahi re..tea cups, keyboards, chairs sab girte hain!)

I am convinced kids love you...(Nahi re, bacchas hate me!)

I am convinced everyone chants... jaadu jaadu.. when they see you...(close, they actually chant jhadu jhadu :P)

I love reading your blog... you are the funniest thing alive... (Thank you thnk you!)

Shanu said...

@ Gayathri

Try kiya kya tune mere tricks..bata dena how things go!

Shanu said...

@ CTL

Thanks for dropping by!

Shanu said...

@ Bridey

Darr mat dost, main bahut jald invisible hone ki tricks dengi!

And haan haan..copy paste karke bhej email main..bas mere blog ko thoda sa credit (mere blog ka naam) de dena :)

Shanu said...

@ Icey

Thanks babe :)

Tarun Mitra said...

He did send the cheque....but forged his own sign....wants to get more noticed in the banking circles now. ;)

Shanu said...

@ ApocalypsE

Aaare wah..tu toh pura filmy hai! Ladki ka reaction kya tha?

Shanu said...

@ Reema

Nahi re..its all a figment of my imagination..but the Ishant and capris wala incident is true!

Shanu said...

@ SID

This list works well for both boys and gals..try karke dekh..mazza aayega!

Shanu said...

@ Snow

Wowie..thnks babe!

Keep dropping by! Readers (and comments)are alwyz welcome! :)

Shanu said...

@ ST

Whoa..tere kaise pata chala..man tu toh genius hai!

Shanu said...

@ Jalpari

Thanks babe!

Shanu said...

@ Spikey

Kyun re..tujhe toh khush hona chahiye..u like Rakhi Sawant na!

Shanu said...

@ Par

Welcome to my blog..keep droppin by!

Shanu said...

@ Ani

Thanks yaar :)

Shanu said...

@ BP

Haan yaar, capris wala such main hua tha..bahut embrssin tha!

Shanu said...

@ Daisy

Welcome to my blog..keep droppin by!

Shanu said...

@ Archana

Haan yaar..my team calls me Goofy for all the goof ups that i do all the time! Kidhar wrk karti hai tu..chal main bhi aa jati hai..dono milke rockenge!

Shanu said...

@ Tarun

Kaisa dost hai yaar! Dont worry, I shall make sure ki he is well known in the Fraud circles :P

Meira said...

goodness! I'm so going to try this soon :D

Awesome blog :)

Shanu said...

@ Meira

Welcome to my blog :)

Jyoti said...

AAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHHAA!

Wait wait...

AAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! HAHA!

Hmm.. One second......



BAAAAHAHHAHAHAHA!

Shit. Cant stop. Sorry. I shall comment later...

HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAA!

Jyoti said...

Hey! You've been tagged! :)

http://genius-called-jyoti.blogspot.com/2009/07/tag-of-four.html

blunt edges said...

OMG!!!! 37????

yeh blog hai ya follower club or somethin??? :o

Chriz said...

dressed to kill was good..
and i wanna try mango milkshake on my head.. if i lose any hair, u r so dead

Shanu said...

@ Jyoti

Glad you enjoyed it babe :)

Shanu said...

@ Blunty

Yes, you are right..yeah club hi hai..kya kar lega re tu shane :P

Shanu said...

@ Chriz

Haan haan try out the milkshake wala tip...baal shine nahi hue toh kya..u lose a couple of strands toh kya..ur bald head will shine..thatz my guarantee :P

Keshi said...

HAHA I loved it! Especially the FALL OF FAME...cos Im a queen at it!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Read this:

http://keshigirl.blogspot.com/2008/08/spin-it-like-keshi.html


Keshi.

eye-in-sty-in said...

I dont like her per se.... but she is hard to ignore with her..... well, antics!

Btw, you have an award @ my blog
http://eye-in-sty-in.blogspot.com/2009/07/michael-makes-comeback-and-overdue.html

Shanu said...

@ Keshi

Lol..loved your post...u are so like me :)

Shanu said...

@ Spikey

Thank you thank you thank you :)

theishu said...

"champakali or dhinchak"

Couldnt help guffawing out loud at this one :D

workhard said...

OH Mann.. What a hilarious post...



Work from home

Shanu said...

@ Theishu

Thanks..glad u njoied it :)

Shanu said...

@ Workhard

Thanks :)

Arslan said...

Really laughed out loud. Like actually. Ridiculously funny :) 'Fall of fame' is just brilliant! ROFL.. :D

Kaddu said...

Ha ha ha! Loved it! Yeah, I have also been the master of falling at workplace, and my dressing... well I never really had to do anything about it consciously! U know... it's a born talent! :p

wishes galore said...

omg, rotfl!!
i read this post and i was laughing hard..seriously, this was such an awesome post!!

Shanu said...

@ Arslan

Thanks :)

Shanu said...

@ Kaddu

Are you? I guess need to take some tips frm u then :P

Shanu said...

@ WG

Thank you :)

Ashley said...

OMG!!! Shanu! You have a seriously serious funny bone gal!
I have bookmarked this post!
No wait!
I think this one should be in Lotus Notes doing rounds in all offices! Would be circulated like crazy. :)

Preeti said...

OH GOD!! ROFL!!!!! :D
This was H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S!!
Stumbled on your blog while random net surfing in office..My mind is actually running with so many cranky evil ideas of getting myself noticed this very moment! :) ;)

Shanu said...

@ Ashley

Lol..haan kya?

Toh thik hai..kardo circulate :)

Shanu said...

@ Preeti

Welcome to Fullon Bakwaas.

I am glad i cld mke u laugh @ wrk ;)

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kanishk said...

you're a pro !

DazzleDiva said...

Your blog definitely helps me tide over boring days at work..Lol..How on earth did u manage these 3 'easy steps'..I agree with the Internal communication thing...Thats a sure way of getting your ass kicked! :)