How to get noticed at work in 3 simple steps!

At the cost of sounding immodest, I have to say that I am one of the few famous personalities at my workplace. Everyone from the security guard to the loo cleaner to the MD knows me by name. They acknowledge my presence sometimes with a subtle nod (my MD), at times with a energetic salute (my security guard) and others with a high-fi (random acquaintances).

My fame was noticed by a poor soul who was virtually unknown. People would walk right past her without acknowledging her presence while at other times, her ideas were not given their due credit. She mustered all the courage she could and approached me so that I could give her some tips on how to become famous. And the kind and caring soul that I am, I agreed, kinda like Will Smith in Hitch.

And there she was from zero to hero in just 3 easy steps! I know, I know, quite a few of you are dying to know how I managed this amazing feat. So as always, in true Shanu ishtyle, I present:

How to get noticed at work in 3 simple steps

The Fall of Fame: This is the simplest and yet the most effective way to attract attention to yourself. The best part about this tactic is that once you master it, you can try it out in a variety of different places.

Steps: One, Two, Three, Fall. Get up, dust yourself, Smile.

Repeat when needed.

My Claim to Fame: I was in the cafeteria walking towards my table with a glass of mango milkshake in one hand and a plate of cheese-grilled sandwich in the other. As always I decided to ignore the Wet floor sign and walked right across it. Bad move.

I slipped and the plate of cheese grilled sandwich landed on the floor. The mango milkshake, however, had other plans. It decided to slip outta my hand and in a move right out of a Spiderman movie, somersaulted on to my head. Although my hair looked great the next day, I made quite a sorry sight that day.

Note to self: Mango milkshake is a great conditioner.

My Protégé’s execution: We both mutually decided that as the cafeteria fall is my forte’ , she should try the staircase. The staircase chosen for this task was superbly placed at the center of the workfloor. It overlooked both the ground as well as the mezzanine floor. In short Perfect.

The Protégé confidently walked towards the staircase and as she reached the landing, slipped and fell. The commotion drew all attention to her, with a few helpful guys even coming and helping her stand up.

After effects: Her visibility rose and with it brought in a sprinkling of popularity too. She was asked out by 3 guys that week – something that hadn’t happened in the 2 years that she has spent in the organization.

You have got email: This tactic can get you visibility on an organizational level but the effects are short term and can be detrimental at times.

Steps: (i)Open Email, Type Gibberish, Send to the whole organization

Or (ii)Open any email that has been sent to the whole organization, Select reply to all, Type Gibberish, Send

My Claim to Fame: My Lotus notes has exceeded its quota limit ages ago. To send out emails, I use the copy into new option **Sob** The problem with this option is that if you aren’t careful, you end up replying to all who were copied in the original email.

My best friend Jyoti had come in to work wearing capris. She is quite petite and looked absolutely lovely. Me being me, decided to compliment her over email.

So I copied the first mail I could find (which incidentally was an Internal communication about one of our directors resigning), typed out my compliments “Capris pehankar tum dekho office main mat aana, Managers tumko sab chegenge, cubicles main mat jaana” and sent it out to..yeah you guessed it right…to the whole organization.

And that is how my MD knows me by name ***smug smile***

My Protégé’s execution: Anxious as she was to make her mark, she didn’t wait for an Internal communication. She just chose Option 1 to send out an extremely heavy (5 MB) virus laden forward.

After effects: This got her noticed not only by the senior management who issued her a memo (sending out non work related emails is not permitted in my organization) but also by the IT team who had to work on the server, which apparently crashed due to the virus.

Caveat:Virus check the email before you send it out.

Dressed to kill: This is an extremely difficult tactic and needs a lot of patience and preparation. But the results are longer lasting and well worth the efforts.

Steps: If you have a bad dressing sense, your work is done. For all you know, you are already famous and the whole organization knows you. Look out for words, which are often repeated when you are around e.g champakali or dhinchak. We have a sad dresser in our team who is code named ‘Subway’ because of the pin striped formal pants she wears.(Do not look for logic in the code name – there is none)

If you have a good sense of dressing, just pick up whatever repels you. For further information watch any Govinda movie. Girls can make Rakhi Sawant their idol.

My Claim to Fame: I was fortunate enough to get an extremely unflattering haircut. In fact, I was called Ishant (Ishant Sharma of Indian cricketing fame) for around 6 months till my hair grew back to a girly length. Those 6 months were the best months of my life, so much so that, I actually cried when my hairdresser gave me a better haircut when I went back to her.

My Protégé’s execution: My protégé has straightened her hair which she never conditions. Girls will know what I mean. Guys can refer to the Shock Laga ads.

After effects: This tactic got her instant attention with guys singing Shock laga laga laga Shock laga everytime she passes by.

My protégé is quite well known now. Infact there are times when the security guards salute her and ignore me.

The attention seeker in me hates it.

I am now working on how to reduce her visibility in 3 simple steps ***Evil Laugh***