Bhelpuri

This week has been a mixed bag of emotions. Just like Bhelpuri. Kuch khatta kuch mitha.

I give you here...a glimpse into a week in Shanu's life :)

Horror

The pics from my colleagues wedding have been uploaded on Facebook and I am looking OH SO HORRIBLE.

And the pics are out there open to comments and snickers :(

Note to self: Avoid weddings when depressed. Depressed faces make for horrid pictures.

Flattery

Me: Ohh its thanksgiving week. So what are you thankful for?

He: You :)

Surprise

He comes waltzing in, gives me one look and starts grinning

He: "Why have you put on weight sweetheart??"

Screech.............!! The whole world suddenly comes to a standstill.

Me:Who me? Not at all!!

He: Of course you have put on weight. You now have chubby cheeks.

Pointing to my friends "Havent these girls told you??"

Me:(Looking at my friends accusingly) Wow seriously? I have put on weight kya?? Umm…that’s like a compliment. I have been trying to put on weight for ages now!!

He: Yeh raag tu kissi aur ko de...a few more inches and you end up like me (Pats his ample belly)

Me: Uhhh ohhh

Psst: This is a different He ;)

Excitement

Me(over SMS): So how was it?

She: They have decided the date. 15th December!!

Whoo hooo....My best friend is getting married in 2 weeks :)

Awww

On chat

He: Sorry again, that I wasnt there when you needed me :(

Me: Please dont say sorry. I just didnt wanna bother u wit my probems

He: Please dont say that. Thats not fair. See, that's why I said I am sorry. You should not even think twice if you need to call me.

Me: I wont. Promise.

Embarrassment

Suryaprakash ek watermelon juice dijiye

Suryaprakash!!

Suryaprakash looks at me and looks away

Suryaprakash ek watermelon juice dijiye na

Suryaprakash continues to studiously ignore me.

Irritated, I ask him..Kyun Suryaprakash, aap mujhe kyun ignore kar rahe ho?

Kyunki madamji, mera naam Suryaprakash nahi Manjeet hai!

Happiness

He (giving me a tight hug): I was just leaving when I realised that I cant leave without meeting you.

Me: :)

My First Rant

Darkness grips me..pulls me down..I swirl around in circles..try to break free...I try pushing..I try to kick..I try screaming...but darkness wins.

As I am engulfed, I wonder..where I am..how did I get here...how do I get out....

I look for answers but find only questions........

I look for familiarity but find only strangers.........

I look for peace but end up with turmoil........

I hate being me but I dont want to be someone else......

I am a bundle of contradictions.........

There..Finally I have lost my mind.

Never in my wildest dreams had I thought that my beloved Fullon Bakwaas would have to go through the horror of having a depressing post.

My state of mind is reflected in my writings and unfortunately I am unable to come up with anything bright and sunny.

To the person viewing it from outside, my life seems perfect. It seems so to me too, most of the times.

But something is wrong. The darkness keeps popping up time and again and disappears as quickly as it comes..but this time..it hasnt..It is here to stay.

Someone I absolutely adore, once told me that nothing in life is constant...and neither is this darkness I am sure. Yes, there will be light..eventually.

So till that time..dont be surprised to find this blog filled with anything but bakwaas.

Out of Order

She had stopped wearing kajal. She didnt want the compliments her large kajal adorned eyes attracted. She had stopped smiling, wary of the compliments her smile would bring on. She was wary of compliments, she was wary of letting her guard down. She was scared of getting hurt.

Nothing seemed real anymore. No one seemed genuine.

"Lift out of Order"

She looked at the watchman with questioning eyes. 'Maintenance ke liye band hai bibijee...1 hafta nahi chalega" came the reply.

She nodded. Her mom was right when she had asked her not to take the 7th floor flat. "What if the lift stops working or there is a fire..how will you manage to get down" she had argued. But she loved heights. None of her mom's persuasion had worked. “Hmmpt..ziddhi hai apne dad ki tarah” her mom had grumbled.

Another imperfection in her imperfect world.

Not so long ago, she loved taking the stairs. She thought of it as the exercise she desperately needed. The full-length mirrors on each floor made the climb up pleasurable. She could see the way her face slowly turned red as she climbed up floor by floor.

But things were different now. The break up had changed everything.

All she wanted to do now, was to take the elevator to her flat, lie on the bed and cry. It had been 6 months now and she still wasn’t over him. The phone calls that went unanswered and the emails that weren’t replied to, only added to her grief. The climb up reminded her of the numerous times they had raced up these stairs, he always slowing down to let her win. Breathless, opening the door would seem like a chore. The view from the top, with a coffee cup on a lazy morning while the rains poured, the sweet nothings, the giggles, the smiles, the hugs, all seemed like a lifetime from the past.

3 years of togetherness, now nothing.

By the time she turned up towards the fourth floor she was already breathless. She clutched her sides and rummaged through her bag for a bottle of water..it was then that she saw him.

Sprawled across the floor in his 4th floor apartment, he was busy reading a book. His curly mop of hair was unkempt and he seemed oblivious to the world. A half eaten pizza was strewen near his feet. She couldn’t stop staring at him. She had never seen something so beautiful, so perfect. He felt her eyes on him and looked up. And smiled.

Ooohhhh..a dimply smile. And beautiful brown eyes.

“Hi, My name is Rahul."

“Hi, You new here?”

“Yea, just moved in a couple of weeks ago. I wasn’t told the lift here needs to be closed for maintenance. Doesn’t happen anywhere else.” He rolled his eyes

“Yea, we are kinda used to climbing the stairs now” She shrugged

“Thank God, I live on the 4^th floor. Sorry about the mess though. I am a writer. You will find me sprawled across on the floor all day. I hope for your sake, that you don’t have to take the stairs everyday.” He laughed.

She nodded and continued climbing.

It was weird how easy it was talking to him. She wasn’t the type to talk to random guys. But there was something about him that wasn’t random. Like she knew him from somewhere. He seemed so likeable, so friendly.

Back home, the phone rang. A couple of ‘yes’ and ‘hmms’ and ‘I will be there in 15 mins’ later, she hung up.

As she dressed, her mind wandered. She could have sworn that the guy who seemed so real a while ago was all but a fragment of her imagination. He was too good to be true, too perfect. She shook her head but his dimply smile refused to leave. You will find me sprawled across on the floor all day his words rang in her head. Suddenly, the climb down the stairs didn’t seem that bad.

She smiled at the mirror as she applied kajal to her big beautiful eyes.