Saturday, November 7, 2009

Out of Order


She had stopped wearing kajal. She didnt want the compliments her large kajal adorned eyes attracted. She had stopped smiling, wary of the compliments her smile would bring on. She was wary of compliments, she was wary of letting her guard down. She was scared of getting hurt.



Nothing seemed real anymore. No one seemed genuine.

"Lift out of Order"

She looked at the watchman with questioning eyes. 'Maintenance ke liye band hai bibijee...1 hafta nahi chalega" came the reply.

She nodded. Her mom was right when she had asked her not to take the 7th floor flat. "What if the lift stops working or there is a fire..how will you manage to get down" she had argued. But she loved heights. None of her mom's persuasion had worked. “Hmmpt..ziddhi hai apne dad ki tarah” her mom had grumbled.

Another imperfection in her imperfect world.

Not so long ago, she loved taking the stairs. She thought of it as the exercise she desperately needed. The full-length mirrors on each floor made the climb up pleasurable. She could see the way her face slowly turned red as she climbed up floor by floor.

But things were different now. The break up had changed everything.

All she wanted to do now, was to take the elevator to her flat, lie on the bed and cry. It had been 6 months now and she still wasn’t over him. The phone calls that went unanswered and the emails that weren’t replied to, only added to her grief. The climb up reminded her of the numerous times they had raced up these stairs, he always slowing down to let her win. Breathless, opening the door would seem like a chore. The view from the top, with a coffee cup on a lazy morning while the rains poured, the sweet nothings, the giggles, the smiles, the hugs, all seemed like a lifetime from the past.

3 years of togetherness, now nothing.

By the time she turned up towards the fourth floor she was already breathless. She clutched her sides and rummaged through her bag for a bottle of water..it was then that she saw him.

Sprawled across the floor in his 4th floor apartment, he was busy reading a book. His curly mop of hair was unkempt and he seemed oblivious to the world. A half eaten pizza was strewen near his feet. She couldn’t stop staring at him. She had never seen something so beautiful, so perfect. He felt her eyes on him and looked up. And smiled.

Ooohhhh..a dimply smile. And beautiful brown eyes.

“Hi, My name is Rahul."

“Hi, You new here?”

“Yea, just moved in a couple of weeks ago. I wasn’t told the lift here needs to be closed for maintenance. Doesn’t happen anywhere else.” He rolled his eyes

“Yea, we are kinda used to climbing the stairs now” She shrugged

“Thank God, I live on the 4th floor. Sorry about the mess though. I am a writer. You will find me sprawled across on the floor all day. I hope for your sake, that you don’t have to take the stairs everyday.” He laughed.

She nodded and continued climbing.

It was weird how easy it was talking to him. She wasn’t the type to talk to random guys. But there was something about him that wasn’t random. Like she knew him from somewhere. He seemed so likeable, so friendly.

Back home, the phone rang. A couple of ‘yes’ and ‘hmms’ and ‘I will be there in 15 mins’ later, she hung up.

As she dressed, her mind wandered. She could have sworn that the guy who seemed so real a while ago was all but a fragment of her imagination. He was too good to be true, too perfect. She shook her head but his dimply smile refused to leave. You will find me sprawled across on the floor all day his words rang in her head. Suddenly, the climb down the stairs didn’t seem that bad.

She smiled at the mirror as she applied kajal to her big beautiful eyes.

53 comments:

Meow said...

Good work... but I kinda couldn't uderstand the ending :O Description was too good and a nice read :)

Kaddu said...

Ha ha! Good one! And so glad it's not another one of those morbid love stories! Hope prevails! Yayyy!

Ashley said...

Hey Shanu. This was refreshingly different and very well told!
Loved it...

iceprincess said...

:)
life surely moves on....
well done....

Lakshmi said...

That was nice... :D
Ppl do learn to move on.. n it is essential to hav a reason to move on...a reason to keep living...

Harini said...

Life moves on... I loved it. When I started to read i was like no not another sad ending but that guy's entry did cheer me up.

As the Mind Meanders said...

Mate. This is anything but bakwaas. beautifully written and with the simplicity that tugs at ones heartstrings. You are an awesome talent and i love the fact the you are exploring your abilities. I loved it.

Made my day.

blunt edges said...

there's something sweet about happy endings n endings that promise hope...liked it :D

aur kya baat hai...different stuff coming from the bakwaas stable...impressive!

Sunil said...

I don't know whether it's a fiction or fact. But one thing I know by now is that you are an amazing story teller.
If it's a fact, then I'm really sorry.
Have a nice day!

oRange* said...

awh, lovely!
that feeling of 'instant connection' is ..heavenly :)

Pooja Mahimkar said...

i loves this post..esp the ending

Shanu said...

@ Meow

The end means that she decides to move on :)

Shanu said...

@ Kaddu

Yup I love my love stories wit happy endings :)

Shanu said...

@ Ashley

Thanks :)

Shanu said...

@ Iceprincess

Yup life moves on!! :)

Shanu said...

@ Lakshmi

Yup..no point in holding on to something that doesnt exist nemore. Glad u liked it :)

Shanu said...

@ Harini

Yup dimpled smiles and brown eyes can cheer up ne1 :)

Shanu said...

@ Mindey

U know what will make my day dont u??

Samjhdar ko ishara kafi hai boss!

Shanu said...

@ Blunty

Glad u liked it Blunty

Shanu said...

@ Sunil

Nothing on this blog is a fact...everythin is pure fiction. Thank you for the kind words :)

Shanu said...

@ Orange

Yes it is :)

Shanu said...

@ Pooja

Thanks :)

Tarun Mitra said...

Not the usual Shanu types...

Agar 1 250 kilo ki nile baloon wali madam har roz lift se upar hiche karengi toh lift theek hone mein 1 hafta hi lagega...Aur Agar siriyon par dieting ke naam par bhagna shuru kar diya toh us building to Bhagwan Vishwakarma bhi nahi bacha sakte..

Just being honest, there was something missing in this one

gayathri-vishwanathan said...

wow nice one shanu...bhagwan how i wish there had been a guy like that staying in my building...main phir daily three floors chadke jaati...so what if my house is in ground floor :)

buckingfastard said...

yay!!! happy ending! love prevails...

but why rahul...means do gud lukin men always hav 2 be rahul o_0

Chhaya said...

Way to go girrrrrl :D

i liked it! but i wonder why he was _too good to be true_ ... ;)

more to come?

btw, thanks a ton for ur lovely comments at my blog. wanna exchange links?

The Survivor said...

Getting into writing fiction?

Good Start :)

Shanu said...

@ Tarun

Thanks for the candid feedback :)

Shanu said...

@ G3

LOL..U are soo like me :)

Shanu said...

@ BF

Point hai yaar...saare Rahuls bade handsome hote hain..i guess that is bcoz Rahul naam hi bada cutesa hai..dnt u think :)

Shanu said...

@ Chayya

U have a lovely blog..thnks for droppin by.

Would love to exchnge links..but kya hai na..have no clue as to wat that means..new to bloggin na...yea exchnge links kya hota hai?

Shanu said...

@ Survivor

Yea...glad u liked it :)

P.S: I am guessin u havent read my disclaimer yet :)

Adarsh Munjal said...

I've read every single post on your blog, and this is certainly my favourite one, and I can't explain why.

It established this unexplainable heat beneath my ribs.

*Sigh...*

Happy kajaling!

Par said...

Pretty different from the stuff you generally write.. good one!:)

Shanu said...

@ Adarsh

Aww that was such a sweet comment..thnk u :)

Shanu said...

@ Par

Tryin to attempt sumthin apart frm humor..glad u liked it :)

riddhi said...

Ok being a literature student i will take this as an oppurtunity to use my skills atleast somewhere.
Thanks shanu for giving me a mauka to maro chauka..
OK THE TITLE OF MY STORY IS

'Kajraaaaaaaaare Kajrare tore kaare kaare naina'

The metaphor of kajal is beautiful. i am glad that she finally puts it black.. i mean puts it back. :) Afterall it symbolises her 'womanhood'.
The way you begin and the way you end shows how life reaches a full circle. You begin with the loss of kajal and you end with the retaining of it.

The fact that you show she always loved heights. hmmm thats a thought to ponder .. do you like heights? Is it that the writer has left traces of self in the work.
Are you trying to prove that you are rest of the above because you are staying at 7th floor. huh NO ji ye galat hai.,..duh..

Ok I can go on and on.. and give you a point by point critical literary analysis.. but than i don't want to write a comment longer than the post.. guess i have already done that.. but whatever..
Thank you for letting me flaunt my iskills..

dhanyawaad. for a shandar jandar Kajraaaaaaaare...

Shanu said...

@ Riddhi

**Clap clap clap***

Kya analysis hai..i shall attempt to reply to your comment point by point

The metaphor of kajal is beautiful. i am glad that she finally puts it black....with the loss of kajal and you end with the retaining of it.
Thank you :)

do you like heights? Is it that the writer has left traces of self in the work.
Yup u are right..well caught :)

How i wish u cld have gone on..but thik hai..im sure u will make up for this in ur next comment :)

ode writer said...

am smiling! the feeling of going through the same old stuff post a break-up, and those little things that seem to cheer you up out of nowhere, have been highlighted well in this post

(i promise, i couldnt phrase this comment any other way, thanks to my Law Exams... sorry! LOL)

Cheers :)

Diwakar Sinha said...

*giggles* *giggles*

HaRy!! said...

ooo understand she moves on ...but i kept scrolling for more of the story , but not fair yu had to end this way :( ...second part?

Parikshith Kumar said...

Wah beti wah, I am proud of you. A love story from the bakwaas girl.

Nice stuff. I liked it.

Hemanth Potluri said...

life moves on ....nicely described shanu...btw where did the monkeys go..the ducks came in..

urs..hemu..

Shanu said...

@ Ode Writer

I have a feeling I scored full marks in this post :P

Thanks for stoppin by :)

Shanu said...

@ Diwakar

Giggles?? I hope u read my post Mr D!

Shanu said...

@ HARY

End nahi re..woh kehte hain na...in true filmi ishtyle.... this is the beginning ;)

Shanu said...

@ Parry daddy

Thank u daddy..sab aapke ashirwad ka phal hai :)

Shanu said...

@ Hemanth

Just like life moves on..the monkeys have moved on too :P

numerounity said...

Nice one… For me shanu means a complete laugh-a-riot and chaos in the jaws. This one was serious but good one. Planning for a sequel? :)

Shanu said...

@ Numerounity

Nopes re..nt plannin for a sequel..yet :)

eye-in-sty-in said...

yeh blog ko kyaa ho gaya? getting romantic? will the blog title change too?

Ashley said...

Hey Shanu...Wandered here in search of fresh Bakwaas....When is it due?

PS: Read this one again. You rock at mush. :)

Reema said...

life goes on!! :)