Location: My bedroom
The phone rings
Fari: I have reached.
Me: No wayz..its 11:45..I was supposed to pick you up at 12.Why are you early?
Fari:Stop screaming and move your butt…when are you coming to pick me up.
Fari: Why 12!!
Me:Bcoz thatz wat we decided
Fari:OK..so u wont reach before 12:15..Call me when you leave..I don’t want to stand like a fool all alone.
Me: You mean to say you wont look like a fool if you are talking to me while you are waiting?
She: Shut up
Me: God wat language!!
Before the story progresses any further…let me introduce you to Fari.
They say opposites attract….and wat better proof than..Fari and me?
Fari and I are best friends (OK let me clarify before I get killed…Fari is one of my best friends) But we are as different as chalk and cheese.
She is short - I am tall
She is fat - I am thin
She has curly hair – I have straight hair
She has beautiful brown eyes – I have boring black eyes
She is dumb – I am smart (OK I am surely gonna die today)
Her shoe size is 6- My shoe size is 9 (8 actually just in case any1 is planning to gift me a pair of shoes… 6 and 9 opposites hai na..so used it for effect)
She is the girliest girl you will meet- I am the typical tomboy
So its quite evident that….
She is ALWAYS before time and I am ALWAYS late.
And yet, she was there again..waiting for me 15 mins before time..as if by some miracle I will land up before time…Hah..before time toh door ki baat hai….main aaj tak on time kahin nahi pahunchi!!
Anyhoo, the caring soul that I am, I decided to send Fari a message so that she could while away her time while waiting for me.
Time: 12.00 pm
Location: My bedroom
Little birdie in the sky, dropped a poopie in your eye, Don’t you scream, don’t you cry, Just thank the Lord cows can't fly!
Time: 12:01 pm
Ohh shut up and get moving!
Shee yaar..bhalai ka toh zamana hi nahi raha (Transalation: Ohh Crap! Goodness has no world now!)
Location: Andheri Flyover
Me: Baby, I am soo sorry I am late
Fari: I hate you..why did you send me that message?
Me: Wat? Wat did I do now?
Fari: See what happened!!
Points to a yucky green patch on her brand new white T shirt .
Me: Eww watz that…tu kya defective maal uthakar laayi hai kya?
Fari: Shut up! A crow pooped on me..bcoz of you!
Me: Because of me? I don’t remember feeding any crow this morning. So how could this poop be because of me? And waise bhi, its supposed to be lucky…trust me…aaj kuch acha hoga tere saath!!
Fari: Shut up!
Me: Aaare..kya faltoogiri hai..Kno wat..lets do 1 thing..lets ask the crow to poop on your other shoulder too..Mast lagega aur kissi ko pata bhi nahi chalega
Fari: Ohh shut up..lets get a rick.
Location: In the Rick
Me: Trust me it doesn’t look bad. Designer T shit I mean T shirt lag raha hai!
Fari: Ohh Shut up!
Me: Aare whats the point of being angry with me? When the crow had pooped on Rita you were the one giggling the most. Now that itz happened with you..natak u are doing!
And please don’t hug me today…I don’t want that yucky thing touching my clothes
Fari: SHUT UP!
(Ya..her vocab is limited to around 50 words including ‘I have reached’ and ‘Shut up’)
Location : Nirmal Lifestyle
Me: Cmon cheer up..its not visible at all. No one will notice a thing. Look, here come Priya and Rose.
Rose: (pointing to Fari’s T Shirt)Hehehe..yeh kya hua tere T shirt ko..ganda lag raha hai
Me: (Making violent throat cutting gestures) Shut up Rosie!
Priya: Tu kya Fari ka dialogue bol rahi hai...!
While we are indulging in mindless banter, a pair of eyes are focused on Fari. They seem to be following her every move noting the disgust with which she is looking at the green spot on her T shirt.
Finding Fari alone and ignored, he decides to make his move. His friends egg him on.
C'mon Shanky, you can do it! She is all alone..you wont find another opportunity.
He was scared. This was his first time. He decided to rise to the occasion and give it all he had and………….Splaatttt!!
Priya, Rose and Me: Abh tereko kya hua!
Fari: See what happened!! Its all because of you Shanu..I hate you!
Me: What did I do now!!
Rose: Hahahahah..kya aim hai….that crow was too good! He has pooped exactly on the same place but on your other shoulder!! Too good!!
Priya : ROFLHAO….Awesome!!
Time: 1:05 pm
Location: Banayan tree- Crow headquaters
And the award goes to the Shanky for his awesome aim. Please join me in congratulating him!!
Shanky: Thank you for this award. But I have to mention one person without
whom this wouldn’t have been possible. Shanu!!
I was sitting by the flyover minding my own business when I overhead the conversation between Fari and Shanu…and it gave me an idea..if I could poop on her other shoulder at the exact same place, it would create a new record!
I dedicate this award to Shanu and her awesome ideas
All crows: To shanu!
Location: Andheri flyover
Me: Chal na..cheer up..see no1 noticed..the scarf covered the spots so well.
Fari: Shut up
Me: Aaare but why are you angry with me? As if I gave the crow this idea!
Shanky: Ahh the irony of life....some geniuses will always go unnoticed!
PS: No birds were harmed in the making of this post.