Friday, June 5, 2009

How to Dump your Boyfriend in 10 days !!

My friends and I were discussing movies over lunch today and the conversation turned to chick flicks. Bridget Jones diary definitely tops my list on that one..everybody else had their own choice of movies.

One movie which sounded interesting (sounded coz i haven't watched it) was how to lose a guy in 10 days. The whole idea seemed quite interesting..a dating guide in the reverse...things that one shouldn't do in a relationship....the movie promised to be mighty hilarious.While everyone excitedly started making plans of watching it on our next sleepover, gripped by Blogomania all I could think of was how this would actually make a great blog post. I could use all the expertise I have gained in this area..some thru my own experience and others through the experiences of others (finally all those years spent playing agony aunt are paying off!!)

So hold your breath as Shanu proudly presents:
How to Dump your Boyfriend in 10 days


Yeah Dosti hum jaroor todenge: Pester him to introduce you to his friends. Once he relents and introduces you, you have a variety of tactics at your disposal.
Tactic 1: Pick the cutest guy in the group and start talking to him. For better results take his cell number and call him to talk about nothing. If your boyfriend calls, tell him you
cant talk because you are busy talking to his friend.
Tactic 2: Right after you meet them, tell him how you think they
are not right for him. Choose random people from your Orkut friend list and ask him to send them friend requests. If he protests start crying and say that you are only trying to help him.

Preparation time: 1-2 weeks of pestering; Additional 2 weeks for Tactic 1
Difficulty: Medium
Probability of scaring the guy away: Medium
Probability of a fight (which could be used to dump the guy):High

Wherever you go, my network follows: Call him every 2 hours and message him every 15 mins. If he doesn't answer your calls, increase the frequency of calls. Works best if he is in an important meeting.

One of my friend's GF called him 40 times in 30 minutes. Try beating that record.

Preparation time: None
Difficulty: Medium
Probability of scaring the guy away: High
Probability of a fight :Very High


Har Rang kuch kehta hai: Buy a new dress and ask your BF to guess the colour. I was lucky(??) to be privy to one of such conversations.
She: I bought a new dress today..Guess whats the colour?
He:Umm..Green?
She:Ankhin kaunta rang asto?? (This is in marathi..when translated means - What other colour can you guess)
He:Blue
She:Ankhin kaunta rang asto??
He:Black
She:Ankhin kaunta rang asto??

You get the gist don't you??

The conversation between my friend and her BF continued for 2 hours at the end of which the guy was out of colours and yet he hadn't guessed the right one. How could he, when the colour was a cross between tomato red and lotus pink??

Preparation time: High - also involves cost of the dress.
Difficulty: Low
Probability of scaring the guy away: Low
Probability of a fight :Low

Weighty matters (to be used with the earlier point for best results): Wear a new dress and ask him "Do you think I look fat??"

Variations include asking him "Do you think my best friend Meera is pretty?", "Does this haircut make me look younger?"

Research shows men haven't been able to figure out an answer to these yet..and if your BF answers these questions convincingly..think again..maybe u shouldn't be dumping him after all.

Preparation time: None
Difficulty: Low
Probability of scaring the guy away: High
Probability of a fight :Very High


Phone a friend: Call all the girls in his phone book and casually ask them if they were dating him. If they answer in negative demand to know why. Do they feel he isn't boyfriend material?

If they answer in positive ask them if they are still in touch and use the details to pick up a fight with your BF.

Preparation time: Medium
Difficulty: High
Probability of scaring the guy away: High
Probability of a fight :Very High

Take an interest in his interests and do the exact opposite: I don't need to explain this now do I?

Preparation time: None
Difficulty: Medium
Probability of scaring the guy away: Medium
Probability of a fight :High

Tell your friends intimate details about your relationship: This is a gr8 way of losing not only ur bf but also ur best friends...the nastier the details shared, the better. When you introduce him to your friends ask them to look at him and giggle. When he asks why..tell him its just a small secret and laugh some more.

Preparation time: None
Difficulty: Low
Probability of scaring the guy away: High
Probability of a fight :Very High

I hope these tips are as useful to you as they were to my countless friends...Any other suggestions are welcome.

66 comments:

BaaraSingha said...

wow thats a good one...liked the analysis...will keep dropping by

JUMPER said...

OMG!!! Girls are cruel...!!! And they call us (men... who are actually very nice ppl...) the scum of the world...!!!

iceprincess said...

i stil maintain....v r real bitches,
but smetimes i feel guys deserve it...
god forbid...i dont wanna think of d guy ur gonna dump...
i liked d research by d way...
:)

Shanu said...

@ BaaraSingha

Welcome to my blog!

Shanu said...

@ Jumper

Lol...naah we arent cruel...we just know what is best for us :P

Shanu said...

@ Iceprincess

Thank you :)

DPhatsez said...

naya blog layout accha hain!

As for your post, celebrating Bitch-o-mania?

:D

Illeen said...

Girl u are funny...I laughed through this one..The tips are sure to put off any guy.

numerounity said...

Giggling :)

Bullshee said...

You are a very scary person...I never realized there was so much theory that went behind the practice!!!

Is there a reverse guide? Easy way to dump GFs?

ApocalypsE said...

forget the dumping stuff...

gimme ten ways to get a GF...

i like The Holiday - movie, if u consider that a chick flick

Abhinav said...

Evil post! :P

Shanu said...

@ Dphat

Long time no see..u became gayab kya!! BTW glad u liked my layout..was pakkaued of the earlier one!

Shanu said...

@llleen

Glad I cld help :)

@numerounity

Giggles :)

Shanu said...

@ Bullshee

Of course there is...I am plannin to come up wit that one in sumtime..but if u cant wait..u cld try these tips on ur GF..They just mite wrk!!

All the best!! :)

Shanu said...

@ ApocalypsE

Lol..10 ways to get a GF?? Now that is difficult..u see each girl is wired differently..one formula wont wrk on all!! :P

Shanu said...

@Abhinav

I agree **evil grin**

Isshita अनन्द said...

LOL...dhasoo tips
and gr8 blog
thanks for the comment

keep visiting
love <3 and ((((hugs))))

Mayz said...

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!

those were all full proof methods...esp no 2...i cant even remember how many times that tactic has been used on me...

Mayz said...

ps: blogrollin ya

Shanu said...

@ Isshita

Welcome to my blog :)

Shanu said...

@ Mayz

LOL...Did any1 manage to beat the 40 calls in 30 mins recrd??

Hemanth Potluri said...

hahah :P....i am happy no one used anything on me :P...i should take a print out and pass it in my office :P...nice way shanu :)..

urs..hemu..

gayathri-vishwanathan said...

Applause...wow...u r a rockstar dost! just loved it...especially the first one :)

blunt edges said...

rofl...dat was evil (i knw its an understatement)...ppl like u make life tuff 4 us ;)
anyways hilarious...was smilin away while readin it :)

Shanu said...

@ Hemanth

Thanks :)

Shanu said...

@ Gayathri

Thanks babe :)

Shanu said...

@ blunt edges

Itna nanha munha comment..thik toh hai na?? :P

Parikshith Kumar said...

Yeh sab mere saath nahi chalta hai :P

Shanu said...

@Parikshith

Toh tum 1 of a kind ho!! :P

blunt edges said...

lol...m great (if u ignore a cold n a diff soundin voice) ;)
thot d focus shud be on ur post n not on my mind-blowingly cool comment...mite just "steal ur thunder" (F.R.I.E.N.D.S) :D

Shanu said...

@blunt edges

LOL...ohh pls!! My posts are way way way better thn ur comments..thunder steal karne ka sawal hi nahi hai :P

BTW love the "steal ur thunder" part in F.R.I.E.N.D.S!!

PS: Get well soon.

blunt edges said...

OMG!!!! aankhen band karne se sachhai nahi badalti ***dramatic sigh***
my comments r cool or shud i say COOL...or maybe kewl (wateva...m sure u got d point)
n i luv most episodes of FRIENDS...n phoebe is d bestest :D:D:D

Diya said...

Lol! :P
That was an absolute wow! :P
Cheers to all the gals who follow these, hard luck guys ;) :P

Diya said...

Hey am following you, hope that poses no probs. :)

Shanu said...

@ Diya

Welcome to my blog!!

And abt the followin bit...I say the more the merrier :)

Shanu said...

@Blunt edges

Apne comments par itna guroor..tch tch..not happenin

And Monica is way way way better thn Phoebe :P

blunt edges said...

long ago a very famous man said: "u wud always hv 2 options in front of u: modesty n honesty...wid modesty u'll win d hearts of others...wid honesty u'll earn respect"

in dis conflict of opposites, i prefer 2 choose d latter ***applause***

d whole point of sayin dis is i can afford 2 hv guroor on my comments :P

n kya baat hai yaar...followers ki ginti toh aasman chu rahi hai...ms.popular ha? ;)

n as much as i lurveeeeeee monica...phoebe is a rockstar...i rest my case!

n just in case u were wonderin who d famous man was abt whom i mentioned earlier...it was a certain Blunt Edges...n "long time ago" means last month :D:D:D

n dis my frnds is wat i call a HUGE COMMENT...now aint dat cool or wat????

Shanu said...

@ Blunt edges

Wat co. did u say u were wrkin for..I think its time i switched jobs...itne bade bade comment likhne ka bada time hai aapko!!

But I have to say..gr8 comment!!
Dekha maine bhi latter wala option chuna!!

BTW tera hindi bada acha hai...kabhi kabhi lagta hai ki mumbaikar se hi baat kar rahi hai!! (tats a compliment haan)

PS: Mere followers ko kissi ki nazar na lage :P

blunt edges said...

thanku thanku...wanna knw a secret...i luv compliments ;)

just read my comment once again...dats so friggin huge...i cud hv posted it on my blog n made a post out of it ;)

was born in mumbai yaar...spent half of my life dere too...so no wonder u felt dat way...n i work 4 a very famous indian company dat gives its employees time n addnl pay 2 type really HUGE comments ;)

u in d IT industry?

n dey shud hv some system whr all d followers of "x" (who is a follower of "y") become d followers of "y"...m sure u got my drift ;)

Shanu said...

Lol abhi bhi der nahi hui...u cld convert this into a post..main kissi ko nahi bataungi!!

Dekha..i knew it...u can take a guy outta mumbai but cannot take mumbai outta a guy..kya samjhe??

Mez not into IT re...but wit perks like these...i dunt mind switchin!!

And mere followers se door re shaane:P

BTW when are u posting next? Itz time we converted one of ur posts into a chat post...OHHH i have an idea..why not have a post dedicated solely to chattin?? Wah I am a frekkin genius!!

blunt edges said...

lol...mast idea!!! dat way i'll hv a post without havin 2 think wat 2 write ;)

n dat line reminds me of dat ranjhore-rathore line frm jaane tu...CHOR :P (i knw its obvious...but still...CHOR!!!) lmao

actually i aint dat prolific...i hv managed just 12 posts in more dan a year...wil come up wid somethin now dat my exams r over...

ps: i nominated myself 4 d laziest guy in d world award...but sourav ganguly beat me 2 it wid his fieldin ;)

KludgeMaker said...

Absolutety Laughter Riot.Still ROFL at the word "Agony aunt".

damsel in distress said...

ah.temme something i dont know girl!:P

nice read,this one. and hey, nice chubby girly blog layout..cute...

perplexed said...

OMG! girl you are too good at this!! I am bookmarking this post... never know when I'll need it! and love the new layout...its chirpy! :)

Shanu said...

@KludgeMaker

Welcome to my blog..glad u loved it..keep droppin by!! :)

Shanu said...

@ damsel

Long time no see..welcome back :)

@perplexed

If I am able to help even 1 girl wit these tips..i shall consider my job done ;)

Bullshee said...

Then again, I naturally repel women, so I really don't need tips! :D But there are scores of young men who could use your help!!!

Shanu said...

@Bullshee

Do direct them to this blog...wld love to help them!! :P

Pretty Me!! said...

since i m still searching fr a bf.. i better NOT read ds ;)

ps: i did read it though to see what NOT to do :D

Shanu said...

@ Pretty me

Lol..ya but u use this to drive off the unwanted deewanas ;)

Anna Bond said...

hehe.. nice list.

Kido said...

ROFL... Too good... Ad integration mast hai... Keep going!!!

Shanu said...

@ Anna

Thank you..welcome to my blog :)

@ Kido

Welcome to my blog..keep dropping in!

Johnson said...

Must say that's a detailed analysis of how to dump a guy but i strongly feel this kind of preaching should be banned..r there not enuf tactics used anyways? pls spare us.. the dosti n the phone trick was tried on me..dosti toh she couldn't touch but the constant rings psyched me out..

Shanu said...

@ Johnny

Ya these tricks are tried and tested..but i guess u were an exception!

bondgal_rulz said...

Total fun read!!!

So temme how many have you tried so far haan?? :P lol

AS said...

hiiiii

mast blog yaar !!
loved every bit!

have u tried these tricks :P
just joking, but it would become quite a comedy if one applied these in real life...and poor boy!
hahahaha!!!

Jyoti said...

You deserve a loud round of applause. Seriously!

You have a new fan buddy! ;)

Sowmi said...

Shanu... Your naya blog layout bahuth acha hein ...(is my hindi ok??) and yeah ideas bhi acha hein..

Loved the post :)
* hugs *.. happy b****omania :)

joiedevivre said...

tume kitne tricks use kiye hai bacchuu..

gkam said...

cool!
miniwave for all women out there!
:P
oh, ive seen the movie and loved it! :D

will keep ur "tippanis" handy incase ill need em :P

Pallav said...

hey devil woman, just stay away from my girl :P

nice post :) funny really funny..

The Aspirant said...

hey my frnd
now i understand y my frnd wid gf's remain in tension.......gals hv becum quite smart nwadaz nd dey hv devils lyk u to advice dem....[:p]
really its quite a funny post but u knw wad all dis vl only help in dumping d one whos a tympass, if sum1 luvs a gal den u cant dump him by such small things......i shud say so small things.....

well still a gud post...worth reading for boyz to be prepared beforehand....

Ashley said...

ROFL!!!!
Bookmarked this one babes..Neva know whn one might need stuff like this...:))

Blop Flop said...

I know this is an old post , but this has more of the Timeless feel. Very Educational, I must Say.. :-)