Opps...I did it again....

"Beta yeah 84 ka bus stop kidhar hai"

A hundred people standing in queue for the bus and the dear old lady had to choose me to ask this question. My annual pilgrimage just done, I refused to open my bad karma account so soon. I studiously ignored the lady. The girl in front of me looked at me with accusing eyes. I didnt care. Why dont u answer her Miss Accusing Eyes, my eyes accused her back. The lady mesmerised by my innocent looks decided to stand next to me with hopeful eyes. I continued to ignore her. Miss Accusing Eyes could take it no more. She turned to Lady Hopeful Eyes and pointed her to the right direction. The lady seemed like she needed to hear it from me. She looked at me, waiting for my approval. I nodded. Smiling, she left.

For anyone who has read this blog for any length of time, it will come as no surprise that I absolutely suck at directions. Yet, blessed with the innocent, bhola bhala type chehra that I have, I usually get picked by absolute strangers to ask directions to places I have no clue about. On the rare occasions that I travel by train I am asked 'Aur kitne stations ke baad XXXXXX aayega beta' to which I usually respond with a blank stare hoping the lady next to me comes to my rescue before I blurt something out.

Because I suffer from the compulsive answering syndrome.

It doesn't matter if I know the way or not, it doesn't matter if I have never travelled by the Central line before, it doesn't matter if I know whether the dish is vegetarian or not, if I am asked a question, I have to answer it. All the annual pilgrimage trips that my mom plans for me have to do with my compulsive answering problem. She thinks I annually accrue a lifetime worth of bad karma by making staunch veggies eat non vegetarian fare and on other occasions sending people off in directions completely opposite to the one they are supposed to take.

Like yesterday, when a guy asked me which way Malad station was. Being new to the area, I had absolutely no clue. And yet, I pointed him to a completely random direction whilst my mom looked on in horror. An earful of "Why cant you just say I dont know" and " Parmeshwara, when will this girl learn" later, I ran towards the way I pointed, found the guy and pointed him in the correct direction.

Or like at my friend Fari's wedding. Just as I was about to taste a starter, a totally random lady comes up to me and asks me "Beta, yeah veg hai kya?" I quickly take a mouthful and blink at her while chewing slowly hoping she gets disgusted and scoots off. No. She doesn't. She finds it fascinating and decides to wait till I finish eating.

2 mouthfuls of the starter and 5 thoughtful minutes later, I come to the conclusion that it indeed is vegetarian dish made of paneer. I confidently nod and decide to move around and try out something else. 3 starters and a couple of main courses later I realize that in addition to directional dyslexia and the compulsive answering syndrome, I also suffer from pannerchickitisis ie the inability to differentiate between paneer and chicken.

After misguiding 3 strangers this week and turning 5 staunch veggies into non vegetarians @ Fari's wedding (who comes to a Muslim wedding hoping to eat vegetarian khana anywayz), I have decided that I need another quick pilgrimage before the year ends :(

You now know what I am doing this New Year's eve :(

My cute pizza delivery guy.....

Hmm...So, I ordered a pizza today.

No big deal I know.

And I was disappointed...yet again.

You know, how they have really cute/hot guys delivering pizzas in ads.

Every time I order a pizza, I wait in anticipation for this...........

But I am alwayz greeted with this...

Oh Santa...U know what I want for Christmas now...A really cute pizza delivery guy ;)

I am planning to order Pizza for New Year's eve too.....

Come on...Work your magic..and make this New Year's Eve magical ;)

Season's greetings....

Shanu wishes all the readers of Fullon Bakwaas

A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year :)

Award ko Award hi rehne do koi naam na do......

May 2009

Its my first month in Bloggerville. Every blog I go, I find infested with the Honest Blogger award. Being a newbie, I look at all those who get this award with envy and admiration (99% envy and 1% admiration). The award needed one to write 20 secrets about themselves. Hopeful, I started hording 20 secrets to unleash on the world but unfortunately, I never got this award and Bloggerville was spared the torture.

Cut to Dec 2009

One of my first friends on Blogger, golu molu Bluntu gives me a Nameless Award.....Given our history and the kind of comments I leave on his blog..I was kinda expecting the Shameless Award..but main khush hoon.. Nameless ho ya Shameless, award toh award hota hai boss :) and plus it carries with it a directive to write 7 secrets about yourself. For someone who has had 20 secrets ready to be spilled for ages now, choosing only 7 is very very difficult.

Lekin yeah kya? My dushman and competitor (she stole ATMM away from me and now is behind my Bluntu ) decides to award me too. Which is super duper awesome because I now get to write 14 secrets about myself...I am just hoping that some1 else tags me before I post this phir mere 2o ke 20 points aa jaayenge and I shall include 1 additional point for good luck ;)

Toh yeah lo..karlo sach ka samna :P

1) I wasnt very keen to protect my anon status. Infact, most of the bloggers who I befriended in the initial days know my real name. I honestly never thought of it as a big deal. But talking to 2 of my closest friends in Bloggerville, both anon bloggers, has made me conscious of my anon status. And no, I still don't know what their real name is, while they know everything about me. Do I regret it? Sometimes yes. But most of times No, because they are the reason why I have stuck to blogging for so long. Nahi toh main kab ki bore ho gayi hoti.

2)I am scared of lifts. I prefer taking the stairs than being enclosed in that box and trust it to take me to the right floor. On days that I have to take the lift alone, I loudly chant prayers all the way up, to ward off any ghosts that might choose to sneak up on me. But on most days I prefer taking the stairs to and from my 7 th floor apartment. Ya, I am scared of ghosts too.

3)I am also scared of babies. Wanna know why? Read this.

4)I absolutely hate surprise parties. All my friends know it. And they dare not throw a surprise party for me. Ever.

5)I am allergic to sea water. I cannot survive a trip to the beach without developing a red rash. And yet, I take long walks on the beach and want to own a sea facing home some day. Its my way of telling my stupid sensitive skin..I am the one in charge :P

6)Blessed wit the gift of gab, I can talk anyone into anything and make it seem like it was their idea in the first place. :p

7)I wanted dimples all my life. Infact, I tried pushing holes in my cheeks with pencils when younger. I would sit in front of the mirror for hours, push 2 pencils into my cheeks and smile hoping that my face will learn to stay that way.

8) I hate dressing up. No matter what the occasion I land up there in my jeans and Tshirt. My mom has now taken up the responsibility of getting me to dress like a girl. I wish her luck ;)

9) I am extremely clumsy. I keep tripping over my own feet. On the rare days that I wear a salwar, I trip over the dupatta. If I hit Sid and try to run away, chances are I will bang into the door and fall down, and he wouldn't have to lift a finger. The rail station, the playground, my office, the doctor's clinic, the library....there isnt a place where I haven't fallen and left my mark.

10)I have 3 wishes ready just in case a genie pops up and says to me "Your wish is my command". Bas ab genie milne ki der hai.

I know I have 4 more secrets to unleash. But after editing and re-editing, I have reached the conclusion that Bloggerville is better off not knowing them. Secondly, I am feeling lazy :P

Now the best part, passing on the award. I know most of the bloggers I wanted to pass it on to have already been tagged. But I will still tag/award them because I am stubborn :P

I tag/award:

Ashley: Meri Dost aur meri Dushman

Mindey: Some1 who is very capable of doing tags in comment boxes

Bluntu: Mera Pyaar..Shalimar

Riddhi: Some one who can blabber without any rhyme or reason

Meow: One of my first blogger friends

Spikey: Want to wake him up from the blogging slumber

G3: Meri gavwali

Ice ice baby: The queen of all randomness :)

Tarun: Never seen him do a tag before

Dhanya: Love the way she writes, Simple and sweet

Orange: I can identify with most of her posts

And anyone and everyone who wants to take up this tag/award..Enjoy :)

Tweeting good deeds......

I have always been the helpful types. Helping ladies with their heavy grocery bags, helping cute kiddos with their homework to offering my seat to the elderly on the train are things I do all the time (yea and you thought of me as a spoilt brat). But there was one good deed which had always eluded me..Helping an old lady cross the road.

A tweet by a friend which went something like this "Helped an old lady cross the road...she smiled & gave me a chocolate..much like the way my grandmom used to...life is all about these small beautiful moments...." jagofied again the purana daba hua armaan of helping old ladies cross the road. The chocolate had nothing to do with it. I hate chocolates. Infact, a few days ago a rickwala who got senti looking at my bhola bhala chehra, stopped the rick, and bought me a chocolate. Which I took because I didnt wanna offend him. I later fed it to Sid and I am glad to say it wasn't drugged.

Back to the point.

I sat back and tried to analyse why I have never been able to help anyone cross the road. And I arrived at the reason in no time. The rickwala.

My blog has been the silent witness of my love for the rickwala.The dashboard littered with rickwala drafts bears testimony to the fact that there was nothing more that I would want on a rainy day than a dry curtain wali rickshaw. And inspite of the love that oozed out of my every pore, I had been betrayed. By my very own rickwala. My ricking ways had prevented me from crossing the road. Toh kissi aur ko road cross karaneka sawal hi nahi uthatha.

So last week I decided to walk for 10 mins before taking the rick to work. Agar meri kismet main kissi ko rasta cross karana likha hoga toh woh inn 10 mins main mereko mil jaayega. And find her I did.

There she was standing, looking at the rush hour traffic with wary eyes. She looked at me and beamed. Wrong timing. I was late for work. Very late. I was torn between the long time desire to help someone cross and the desire to reach work on time for a change. Me, being me, wanted to have my cake and eat it too. So I decided to help the lady cross the road and then rush back to work.

I smiled and asked her if she needed to cross the road. She nodded meekly. I held her hand and started motioning her across the road (Kya karneka..I was late). I held up one valiant hand against the traffic hoping the cars and buses would heed my isharas and slow down. But naah..they didnt seem to be in the mood to slow down. No zebra crossing or traffic signal in the vicinity ensured that I would have to wait for a break in the seamless traffic. Secondly, getting the lady over the divider seemed like a task in itself.

And I honestly, didnt have the time. It was a choice between helping her cross the road and keeping my job. And in these times of recession we all know what wins hands down. Yup, my job did.

I flagged a rick down and while I was getting in, I was struck with a brilliant idea. I asked the rickwala to take a U turn so that I could drop the lady on the other side. The lady who was quite impressed with my hosiyari nodded happily.

Yet again, the rickwala had come to my rescue. My faith in the rickwalas of the world restored, I happily tweeted about my good deed:

"Helped an old lady cross the road in a rick..how brilliant am I :)"

Bhelpuri

This week has been a mixed bag of emotions. Just like Bhelpuri. Kuch khatta kuch mitha.

I give you here...a glimpse into a week in Shanu's life :)

Horror

The pics from my colleagues wedding have been uploaded on Facebook and I am looking OH SO HORRIBLE.

And the pics are out there open to comments and snickers :(

Note to self: Avoid weddings when depressed. Depressed faces make for horrid pictures.

Flattery

Me: Ohh its thanksgiving week. So what are you thankful for?

He: You :)

Surprise

He comes waltzing in, gives me one look and starts grinning

He: "Why have you put on weight sweetheart??"

Screech.............!! The whole world suddenly comes to a standstill.

Me:Who me? Not at all!!

He: Of course you have put on weight. You now have chubby cheeks.

Pointing to my friends "Havent these girls told you??"

Me:(Looking at my friends accusingly) Wow seriously? I have put on weight kya?? Umm…that’s like a compliment. I have been trying to put on weight for ages now!!

He: Yeh raag tu kissi aur ko de...a few more inches and you end up like me (Pats his ample belly)

Me: Uhhh ohhh

Psst: This is a different He ;)

Excitement

Me(over SMS): So how was it?

She: They have decided the date. 15th December!!

Whoo hooo....My best friend is getting married in 2 weeks :)

Awww

On chat

He: Sorry again, that I wasnt there when you needed me :(

Me: Please dont say sorry. I just didnt wanna bother u wit my probems

He: Please dont say that. Thats not fair. See, that's why I said I am sorry. You should not even think twice if you need to call me.

Me: I wont. Promise.

Embarrassment

Suryaprakash ek watermelon juice dijiye

Suryaprakash!!

Suryaprakash looks at me and looks away

Suryaprakash ek watermelon juice dijiye na

Suryaprakash continues to studiously ignore me.

Irritated, I ask him..Kyun Suryaprakash, aap mujhe kyun ignore kar rahe ho?

Kyunki madamji, mera naam Suryaprakash nahi Manjeet hai!

Happiness

He (giving me a tight hug): I was just leaving when I realised that I cant leave without meeting you.

Me: :)

My First Rant

Darkness grips me..pulls me down..I swirl around in circles..try to break free...I try pushing..I try to kick..I try screaming...but darkness wins.

As I am engulfed, I wonder..where I am..how did I get here...how do I get out....

I look for answers but find only questions........

I look for familiarity but find only strangers.........

I look for peace but end up with turmoil........

I hate being me but I dont want to be someone else......

I am a bundle of contradictions.........

There..Finally I have lost my mind.

Never in my wildest dreams had I thought that my beloved Fullon Bakwaas would have to go through the horror of having a depressing post.

My state of mind is reflected in my writings and unfortunately I am unable to come up with anything bright and sunny.

To the person viewing it from outside, my life seems perfect. It seems so to me too, most of the times.

But something is wrong. The darkness keeps popping up time and again and disappears as quickly as it comes..but this time..it hasnt..It is here to stay.

Someone I absolutely adore, once told me that nothing in life is constant...and neither is this darkness I am sure. Yes, there will be light..eventually.

So till that time..dont be surprised to find this blog filled with anything but bakwaas.

Out of Order

She had stopped wearing kajal. She didnt want the compliments her large kajal adorned eyes attracted. She had stopped smiling, wary of the compliments her smile would bring on. She was wary of compliments, she was wary of letting her guard down. She was scared of getting hurt.

Nothing seemed real anymore. No one seemed genuine.

"Lift out of Order"

She looked at the watchman with questioning eyes. 'Maintenance ke liye band hai bibijee...1 hafta nahi chalega" came the reply.

She nodded. Her mom was right when she had asked her not to take the 7th floor flat. "What if the lift stops working or there is a fire..how will you manage to get down" she had argued. But she loved heights. None of her mom's persuasion had worked. “Hmmpt..ziddhi hai apne dad ki tarah” her mom had grumbled.

Another imperfection in her imperfect world.

Not so long ago, she loved taking the stairs. She thought of it as the exercise she desperately needed. The full-length mirrors on each floor made the climb up pleasurable. She could see the way her face slowly turned red as she climbed up floor by floor.

But things were different now. The break up had changed everything.

All she wanted to do now, was to take the elevator to her flat, lie on the bed and cry. It had been 6 months now and she still wasn’t over him. The phone calls that went unanswered and the emails that weren’t replied to, only added to her grief. The climb up reminded her of the numerous times they had raced up these stairs, he always slowing down to let her win. Breathless, opening the door would seem like a chore. The view from the top, with a coffee cup on a lazy morning while the rains poured, the sweet nothings, the giggles, the smiles, the hugs, all seemed like a lifetime from the past.

3 years of togetherness, now nothing.

By the time she turned up towards the fourth floor she was already breathless. She clutched her sides and rummaged through her bag for a bottle of water..it was then that she saw him.

Sprawled across the floor in his 4th floor apartment, he was busy reading a book. His curly mop of hair was unkempt and he seemed oblivious to the world. A half eaten pizza was strewen near his feet. She couldn’t stop staring at him. She had never seen something so beautiful, so perfect. He felt her eyes on him and looked up. And smiled.

Ooohhhh..a dimply smile. And beautiful brown eyes.

“Hi, My name is Rahul."

“Hi, You new here?”

“Yea, just moved in a couple of weeks ago. I wasn’t told the lift here needs to be closed for maintenance. Doesn’t happen anywhere else.” He rolled his eyes

“Yea, we are kinda used to climbing the stairs now” She shrugged

“Thank God, I live on the 4^th floor. Sorry about the mess though. I am a writer. You will find me sprawled across on the floor all day. I hope for your sake, that you don’t have to take the stairs everyday.” He laughed.

She nodded and continued climbing.

It was weird how easy it was talking to him. She wasn’t the type to talk to random guys. But there was something about him that wasn’t random. Like she knew him from somewhere. He seemed so likeable, so friendly.

Back home, the phone rang. A couple of ‘yes’ and ‘hmms’ and ‘I will be there in 15 mins’ later, she hung up.

As she dressed, her mind wandered. She could have sworn that the guy who seemed so real a while ago was all but a fragment of her imagination. He was too good to be true, too perfect. She shook her head but his dimply smile refused to leave. You will find me sprawled across on the floor all day his words rang in her head. Suddenly, the climb down the stairs didn’t seem that bad.

She smiled at the mirror as she applied kajal to her big beautiful eyes.

Close Encounters of the Canine kind

"Bhhaiya, rickshaw thoda aage lo na" she said, her voice shivering.

The rickwala smiled at her through pan stained teeth.

"Kyun hass rahe ho bhaiyya...rickshaw thoda aage lo na" she pleaded

The rickwala seemed to be enjoying her plight.

She turned to her right. Looked straight into his eyes. He growled.

"Please bhaiyya" The rickwala kept smiling and started conversing in sign language with the rickwala next to him.

She shifted as far left as she could and closed her eyes.

Flash back

Dumb little Shanu and Smart Little Punti walked hand in hand to the grocery store. The chore was simple. Get a kilo of sugar and a packet of biscuits. Shanu trusted Punti with all her little heart. She looked up to her. She was after all, her older cousin. They had loads in common including their love for Jim Jam biscuits and hatred for all kinds of creepy crawlies.

As they skipped towards the store, they saw a pack of dogs coming their way. Dumb Shanu was a fattu. She was scared of dogs. Smart Punti on the other hand was scared of nothing. She was after all bigger (and smarter) than Shanu. She was sure if need be, she could outrun Shanu any day.

Dumb Shanu looked at Smart Punti. Punti gave her a 'Main Hoon na' smile. The air was thick with tension as the pack of dogs stared at the two tiny girls in skirts and pony tails. Punti quickly assessed the situation. Woh 5 hain aur hum do....bahut nainsafi hai. She had made her decision. In a move so quick that it belied her thin frame, she pushed Shanu towards the dogs and started running.Dumb Shanu was well...dumbstruck. The dogs were dumbstruck too. While Shanu stands rooted to ground, unable to move partly due to fear and partly due to her dumbness and lack of reflexes, the dogs make a dumber choice. They decide to chase Punti!!

And Shanu makes the dumbest choice (no surprises there)....she decides to chase the dogs, who are chasing Punti!!

So the sleepy village witnessed something it hadn't witnessed in all the 150 years of its existence...a tiny girl in balloon skirt and pony tail being chased by a pack of dogs, being chased by a tinier girl in an A line skirt (yea, she was fashion conscious even as a kid).

Punti was right. She was fast. She went through the gate of their house and did the next unthinkable thing. She closed the gate.

And Shanu was stuck outside the gate with a pack of very angry dogs. Everything seemed to stop for a split second. The dogs exchanged glances. "How dumb can she be" they seemed to ask themselves. The leader looked at her. Nazron se nararein mili. And then realization dawned on Shanu.

'Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh' she screamed as she started running in the opposite direction, the dogs now snapping at her heels.

The horns blaring woke her up with a jolt. If it wasn't for her dad who happened to pass that way, she would have ended up as dog food that day.

A look to her right revealed that the car was still next to her. Browny, thats what his name tag said, was still staring at her. He seemed ready to pounce. A head peeked out from behind Browny. She looked at him with pleading eyes. He smiled. And right on cue the lights turned green.

The rickwala turned towards her and smiled "Kya memsaheb, aap ek kutte se darte ho"

Sigh, if only he knew.